Advice needed

[Ma****]

Hi my partner is dealing with extreme grief and bereavement. And I dont no how to help her and if am being honest dont understand what shes going thought.. what advice would you give me to help through the situation thank you 

[Tine]

This is hard! Not only for your partner but also you.
It's a great step to acknowledge that it is hard, that you don't understand what she is going through, to reach out. Maybe first sit with that feeling, accept it, hold it. It's ok not to understand, it ok that it's hard. What both of you are feeling is ok, even necessary.
Maybe ask her what she needs, if she needs anything, tell her that you feel helpless and then listen with an open heart not trying to fix anything.
Be patient and kind with your partner and with yourself. Remind yourself that it's not about you, against you even if you might feel rejected or helpless as your partner is dealing with her grief.

This is what I have learned being with griefing friends. Sometimes all they need is someone willing to listen to how much they hurt again and again. Someone who still keeps asking "how are you?" knowing the answer will be hard to hear.

[Ma****]

Thank you for your advice

[Me****]

Hi - I have just qualified as a counsellor and did part of my placement at a Hospice. I felt for me, that my experiences illustrate how so unique each persons grief is. The hard fact is that it will never end and go away either, as it will become a "loss" feeling that will have to be accepted. This involves forgiving yourself for having "sh**" days, forgiving yourself for having good days and looking at your own triggers for guilt at surviving, guilt at feeling you could have done more to help etc etc. For your part as a support for your friend, I would say listen with total acceptance so that your friend can speak her truth and come to terms with it. The counselling profession have treid to map out the processes of grief and to some degree I feel there is some truth in it. (Ross - 7 stages of grief). But I feel these theories help us understand more about the intial shock stages of anger etc more than anything else. Longterm, losses are about looking at your own mortality, your own resoucefulness and your own needs and how you go and on and keep living. As a friend you will be there for that friend as they sweep through lots of stuff in their head and heart - just listen and accept. xx

[Sp****]

Grief is a tumultuous process. Be patient. Listen. Even if you don’t fully understand, be understanding. And do let her know how you feel too. Powerless? Uncomfortable? Loving? Compassionate?

Also...Our book, Loss to Legacy: A stepping stone path to healing and transformation may be helpful for both of you! You can find out more on our website: www.ReshFoundation.org/loss-to-legacy (where we also offer other resources, so please visit!)

[Ch****]

Be supportive.  Be understanding.  Be thoughtful and mindful.  Don't bring it up, just be there for them.  Actions speak louder than words.    

[cr****]

hi major

first of all you need to be very patient with her. try to make her talk and share her grief. many go in their shell and dont want to talk. Talking is very important

and you be a good listener. give her all love and care and make her feel important and special. try to take her out and talk about good memories u both had together.

good lucj

[Za****]

Bereavement charities have a free help line and willing to discuss your needs and support which will give you some pointers to steer through this and rebuild your family.   Talking to someone on the phone when you need this to steer and support