Fearlessness in Love

[Be****]

Today, I've been pondering the following quote:

"Fearlessness is what love seeks...Such fearlessness exists only in the complete calm that can no longer be shaken by events expected of the future...It is only by calling past and future into the present of remembrance and expectation that time exists at all.  Hence the only valid tense is the present, the Now." -Hannah Arendt

Do you find it hard to find that fearlessness when in love? Do you find yourself experiencing fear and it's related consequential emotions when the ways your mind perceives the words and/or actions of your loved one(s) cause you to recall (and therefore project onto them) past hurts and/or traumas, specifically when they had absolutely no intention to make you feel that way? Inversely, knowing that impermanence is universal law, do you find yourself experiencing anxiety over the future loss of the love shared? Do you find it hard to remain present in the Now, where problems usually exist only in the conceptual mind?  

I believe these are completely normal thoughts and feelings that humans experience. However, I do believe that if we can remain as present in the Now as possible, remaining conscious that the only time that ever exists is Now, aiming to dis-identify from and simply observe our judgments cultivated from past experiences and future anxieties, that we can greatly lessen the severity and frequency of those experiences of anxiety.  

I would love to hear the thoughts of others.  

[Ci****]

This is a deep topic and love that you posted about it. This relates to me when it comes to my siblings. I have distanced myself from them both for our past relationships were close but not in a healthy manner. I want to alter those relationships with them and have been fearing what love means for our relationships. I also been projecting that fear into the future, in fear it will always be distant as it is now. I want to show my love to them but not in the way I did in the past. Want to show it in a more sincere way but having a really hard time learning how to do that for some reason. So, they have been crowding my mind with my fears of our past love to my fears of what our future love will look like with one another in our relationships.

[Be****]

Thank you for sharing.  I feel similarly when it comes to virtually all of my family members.  I have not been open with any of them about many aspects of my true self for fear of their harsh judgment and criticism.  That fear causes me to project even further into the future by predicting that if they did meet me with such harshness, I would inevitably have to further distance myself from them to protect my own energies and remain authentic to myself.  I am focusing on working on remaining my authentic self especially in the face of fear.  I am focusing on learning how to meet people as they are in the present instead of predicting their reactions and responses based on my past interactions with whoever they were doing those times.  While at the same time preparing myself for worst case scenarios, remembering how I must be true to myself and adjust relationships/energy exchanges accordingly.  

[Al****]

This is so relevant for me right now, I started a new wonderful loving relationship 3 months ago. We are both experiencing such great joy, love, companionship, understanding and a whole lot of other feelings and yet my “Mr nice guy” history haunts me with how I’ve always been treated in the past. Equally my partner has had her own emotional family history to deal with. We have both been worried about messing up this new relationship because of our past, but we are learning and growing together,  we find it so important to be in the moment, to really connect with good eye contact , to allow space for emotions to arrive, to hold each other and just be present. We meditate together and we cry together, we don’t sweat the small stuff! We acknowledge and accept it. Opening your eyes to accepting the joy and beauty around us helps us to accept the beauty from within us x??

[Be****]

Thank you for sharing, @Albatross. It feels nice to know that I'm sharing relatable content.  I too have had to overcome a "Mr nice guy" complex that rooted within my psyche via traumatic past relationships/experiences.  I like to view and express this as such:  I'm no longer telling and selling myself that story about who I am.  I am not a manifestation of the trauma I've experienced, I simply experience the thoughts and emotions related to all of it.  When dealing with such things while in a romantic relationship, it's best to remember that you're interacting with an entirely new being than the ones you've dealt with in the past and that when we project our thought patterns and emotional patterns onto them, it leaves them feeling attacked and not trusted.  I want to clarify that I'm speaking in general; the fact that you mentioned being present and allowing space for emotions to visit demonstrates that you're doing well in this relationship!  I also believe that Acknowledgement and Acceptance are fundamental to our well-being as humans in every area of life.  Acceptance of the joy and beauty that manifest both within and without  Wishing you both the best.  

[cr****]

hi albat..its a wonderful feel to read ur experience. Its the magic of the connection you both share and I feel you connected through your pains of life. Any relation connected through pains of life is always deep. Enjoy each and every feel and emotions together. This will blossom your energy and life both.

stay blessed both of you