A Pursuit, Not an Ends to a Means

[Th****]

Over the last week, I've been introduced to some extraordinary tools that have been absolutely vital in my own personal pursuit and I'd like to share these tools with you.

What does happiness truly look like?

For myself, I am happy in improving my life at the moment. That has been my main focus right now. I'm still struggling to define what sorts of actions make me happy, but for now, diving into my psychology and doing the things necessary to improve myself, brings me happiness. 

For example, I'm just now getting into a program that is going ot help me pay back my college loans that are currently in default. The whole program will take 9 months to get me out of default status and a further 2 years to eliminate my owed debt entirely.

I often find myself being impatient with this, however. 9 months is a long time and I really want to get back into school, I'm looking to take up welding as a profession.

Enter the first tool I've recently learned

Patience. A lot of the things that bother me are not in my control at this moment and that's ok. The general idea is to try to moderate your emotional investment. The hardest part of every journey is the very beginning and often times we tend to quit just before hitting the knee of the growth curve.

This is because we emotionally exhaust ourselves and by the time we are just a few days, a few weeks maybe, away from that knee of the curve, that we just simply are drained completely and just quit. But had we taken the time to apply the principles of patience, the return would vastly outweigh the initial investment.

So if you are struggling with this area like I do. Try asking yourself these 3 questions, apply them to your own specific circumstances. 

1. What does a lazy approach look like in this endeavor? 

Could be school, a relationship, work, self actualization, maybe you're depressed and anxious and you're just wanting those results. So ask yourself, what a lazy approach would look like.

To be lazy would be to do nothing, right? You're not putting in the effort, you're not doing the work etc.

2. What does an impatient approach look like in this endeavor?

We all get impatient. It's only natural. We want results and we want them now. But that is a double edged sword. You can end up causing more harm than good.

Maybe you're trying to take on ALL the tasks, maybe you're trying to cramp ALL the information, trying to do ALL the work. But you have to allow yourself to moderate how you invest your energy. Take the time to do each step, apply each step, learn each step etc.

80-90% of the emotional labor of any endeavor is going to be in those beginning phases and you're not going to see much growth. You'll see tiny bits of growth here and there. You gotta learn to appreciate those tiny growths and stop looking at the end result as an ends to a means.

3. What does a wise approach look like in this endeavor?

So exactly what does this mean? How do we know what a wise approach is? It's actually pretty simple. 

A wise approach is giving yourself the time to grow, even when the growth doesn't seem to actually be there. Find it, appreciate it, enjoy it. 

Are you working towards that great relationship that's going to last the rest of your life? Are you writing a book that could change humanity? Are you starting your own business? Are you doing personal development? Any of these things and more are going to take time. It's going to take consistent effort on your part and your job is to try to make the best of the hardest parts of that journey.

Ask yourself a few follow up questions. 

1. Would this endeavor be worth it, if it took 4x as long as you initially planned?

2. Would this endeavor be worth it, if it took 100 to 1000 times the emotional investment as you planned?

If you're working on something like meditation, mastering your emotions, chasing that wonderful relationship, starting your own business, writing a book etc. The answer to both of these questions should be yes. It is absolutely worth the investment because when it comes time to reap the rewards, it's going to be far surpassing anything you had conceived. 

If the answer is no, perhaps you're either not invested and maybe that project isn't for you, or perhaps it could be your own neurotic mindset, getting in your way. You have to be the judge on that.

Moving forward there are 5 simple things that you need to stop allowing to influence your happiness. 

Just bear in mind, this works hand in hand with the previous tool. Results aren't going to be immediate and that's ok.

1. Your past

We all have a past and it can sometimes be pretty murky at best. This includes things others have done to hurt you, things you've done to hurt others, things you've done to hurt yourself, bad choices and mistakes, all the things that made you who you are. You are not those things, you are you. So stop labeling yourself with the ghosts of the past.

2. Your relationships

This could be friendships, relationships, family etc. This doesn't mean that any of these things were bad or are bad. Maybe you've had wonderful relations with pretty much everyone you know. It's still equally important to not base your happiness around those relationships. Relying on others to provide our happiness for us is a very clingy and neurotic way of living and chances are, it will ruin that relationship. 

3. Your own limited beliefs 

Have you ever criticized yourself? Said "there's no way I can do that"? Having realistic expectations of what you expect from life is good, but when you begin to say you cannot because of past experience or because of some arbitrary limitation you put on yourself, it becomes an issue.

Say for example, you're an introvert that wants to make friends. A stereotypical label that you might put on yourself is that it's not in your nature to make friends or that you can't have friends because of that introverted nature. Let go of that.

Maybe you think you won't get that job because you view yourself as a failure. Maybe you feel like you won't get that job because you're not good enough. Maybe you feel like your business won't succeed because you're not a good leader. Whatever it is that you put on yourself. Maybe you think you can't succeed because of your physical appearance or your gender or your skin color. All of these are self defining labels that cause so much detriment in our lives.

4. Other people's opinions of you

Just as equally as the way we label ourselves, if we allow others to tell us who we are or what we can be, it is that same detrimental outcome as if we had labeled ourselves, because we are in a sense. We accept the labels that other people put on us. The goal is to stop doing that. Even when they do so with good intentions. 

5. Money

We all know that money makes the world go round. But the illusive chase of just money is a cold and primal way of living often leaving a person to appear as cold and heartless. I'm not saying to just go and quit your job or that money is evil. What I'm saying is that money shouldn't be the ONLY motivator in your life. It's reasonable to want to be capable of sustaining yourself, a family, having the possessions you want and all that. Just don't be so focused on it that you lose sight of everything else. It's the easiest, fastest track to a toxic life.

So that's it! Now the only objective left is to find what actually makes you happy. Go out and try new things, pick up a new hobby, give it 4 weeks. Be patient and approach it as though you want to enjoy it, because that is the purpose of this whole endeavor after all. Not everything is going to strike your fancy and that's ok, at least you tried and now you know.

Edited January 18, 2020 by Thescribe1983

[Guest User]

Beautiful <3

[Mi****]

Beautiful , I am grateful for the insight