How to reverse the patterns that leads to disaster?

[Pn****]

A lot of relationship issues are due to certain patterns how can one gain control over it?

[Ra****]

Step 1. RECOGNISE the pattern/s you have.

*From 'Loving Relationships' by Sondra Ray

Pattern 1: Since you established your first relationship with your parents, you tend to recreate their personalities as closely as possible in your other relationships.

Pattern 2: You will tend to recreate the kind of relationships you had with your parents in your other relationships.

Pattern 3: You will tend to copy the relationships your parents had with each other.

*Note: I also think you try to avoid the type of relationship your parents had with each other.

Pattern 4: Since most of us are used to a heavy dose of parental disapproval, we will tend to create upsets that will make our 'parents' disapprove of us.

Pattern 5: You will tend to get even with your parents by using your mate or another. If your mate won't allow this, you might use your children.

Pattern 6: Most people subconsciously want to remain helpless children all their lives. A conflict can occur when each wants to be a child and each wants the other to be his/her parent.

Pattern 7: Since most people are used to the struggle they had with their parents, having a totally successful, easy, smooth relationship is too unfamiliar and too threatening to tolerate.

Pattern 8: Suppressed incest always stands in the way of sexual affection. The point at which you could not acknowledge sexual feelings for your parents (or they for you) is the point where your sexuality becomes inhibited.

*Note: personally, this one [8] challenges me and makes me feel uncomfortable; please remember I'm putting down what's in the book.

Pattern 9: Because of self-hate and self-guilt, there is a tendency to beat yourself up using one of the following: your body, your sex life, your career, your finances, your material possessions. Therefore a). there is a tendency to mess up one or more of these relationships to punish yourself, and b). the guilt and self-hate can go all the way to thinking you separated yourself from God (or whatever universal power you choose) by taking on a body, thinking you are bad because you caused your mother pain at birth.

Pattern 10: You will attract someone who fits your patterns. That is if you have a patterns that says "Men leave me", then you will attract a man who has a pattern of leaving.

 

Any thoughts?

[Pn****]

Thank you for your response Rach, these could be intellectual understanding but underneath that it functions through a subtle energetic force beyond the control of mind, what does the book say about that??

[Pe****]

Really struggling with this one. Separated after 16 years of marriage and I have been devastated. After suffering through a fierce depression and an attempt to leave this plane earlier than has been planned...I have come to a clearer place but....still trying to figure out how to go on...at least with regard to  certain aspects of life because, from all of the realizations that have come from this experience some are that I still and will always love my wife. I know that I not only will never get over not having her in  my life but...I don't want to. I don't want to be alone but, it would be absolutely impossible for me to "put it behind me" or chalk it up to experience or "life" because...if I were to ever enter the world of dating and meet someone that I liked and who liked me back.....I would have to lie to them because, they could only ever be 2nd best and not ever have my heart because, that was given away to my wife and kids a long time ago.....who would stay when you told them that truth and if they did...they still wouldn't be her. So...I have resigned myself to be alone and live my life trying to be such an amazing human I am the best husband and best father my daughter could ever hope to have. I am going to work, hope, pray, meditate and put out as much love and beauty as I can and wait patiently for things to bring my family back together....is that "wrong" or crazy?

[Guest User]

I can only speak for my self. But in the relationship i am, we have a "rule" that if something bothering the other person we sit Down, and speak about it before it become a problem. Honesty and kindness toward each other is important to us.

In the 4 years we have been together we have had two more serioues arguments and a little of raising voices. But other then that we speak to each others in a normal voice. 

And personally i had to do many adjustments in the way i lived when i first got in to the relationship With her. I had my own way of thinking because i had been single all my life until 4 years ago. so i was used to do Things my way. and it did not alwys go along With how my girlfriend wanted it, or even accepted my routines. (i am a lot more spiritual then she is)

So in my experience it is important to adjust to each others for the happiness to last

[Guest User]

I used soul communication when words and emotions failed. Now I we hardly have arguments or differences and love between has only grown.

When souls communicates they exchange not a manipulation of what our minds. 

[Candy]

@neuguru How does one use soul communication? Tell me more ?

[Guest User]

1 hour ago, Candy said:

@neuguru How does one use soul communication? Tell me more ?

Thanks for asking Candy.

To understand soul communication require one to first accept the existence of the soul.

One may accept the soul as a spiritual entity or as I do as a quantum particle as I am more logical and rational in my thoughts.

Once one accepts the existence of the soul, one has to connect with the soul. According to me the soul exists as a quantum particle in the quantum universe. And though the soul creates a unique individual conscious existence in the form of a human or living entity, it is not singular but rather unitary or one for all and thus we are all connected in the quantum universe. This is basic theory that I understand.

Now the physical body is a creation of the soul to experience consciousness and thus forms an electromagnetic spectrum around the body which is connects the mind to the soul. While the body exists in the physical dimension, the soul exists in the quantum dimension connected by the EM of the physical dimension.

The consciousness of the soul is not the same as the subconsciousness of the mind. The mind exists because of the brain and the physical body. The mind stops when the body stops or ceases to exist.

Yet our body our thoughts and actions are dependent on the mind and this becomes a prison for the consciousness of the soul which is unable to express itself to the mind. The mind being forever trapped in the learning of the body and the brain.

The mind stops listening to the murmurs of the conscious soul as we grow older. A baby or a child has a better connection between the two than grown ups.

Unless ofcourse we learn to silence our mind and allow it connect to the conscious soul and its vibrations. Which is like intuition or inner voice as we say commonly.

The more one learns to silence our mind the more connected we get to our soul and thus we lead on a path of spiritual awakening as the soul always speaks the truth and offers unlimited knowledge and power.

But  the soul can only connect with the subconscious mind of the physical body it has created as it is not reached the spiritual levels or state of vibration that can allow it to communicate with other souls.

Intense focused meditation such as the one I practice enable the soul to receive energy from the supreme energy source (which some of us call as God) raising the souls vibration to higher level and thus enable it to communicate with the souls of other physical entities. And what is in one persons mind can be transmitted to another person through soul communication transparently something like telepathy (which is a wrong term as it involves mind to mind communication)

I simply call it soul communication.

When one soul communicates to another soul what the mind senses to the other, there is no manipulation as the subconscious mind does and no negative thoughts or energy pass through unless one is practicing something that is focused on negative energies.

So I practice neutral energy meditation which cannot attract or generate negativity to self or others and thus all soul communication is neutral or positive in state.

So summarizing, the following steps are to be learned and practiced for engaging in soul to soul communication.

1. Living a neutral lifestyle

2. Silencing the mind

3. Practicing focused meditation (focusing on the person you want to communicate)

4. Attracting energy for the soul from the supreme source and raising its vibrations for communicating your state of mind to the person you are focusing on.

All of this requires dedication and selfless practice that take months if not years to achieve. But someone who has been practicing for years such as myself, I am able to offer to be a medium for others to engage in soul communication with the ones they seek.

I first tried this method with my wife with whom my relationship was breaking down to the point of no return. Since then, we have stopped arguing and communicating more at the soul level thus keeping the balance in our thoughts towards one another.

More recently, I tried soul communication with a third unconnected person I never met or spoke with for a person who asked for my assistance in offering to connect her soul with the third person. 

 

?

Edited January 19, 2020 by Guest User

[Candy]

Thank you for elaborating on that. I want to say it's doable, but I think for many people (including me) it will be, as you said months or even years of practice. When you talk about neutral living, are you referring to non-duality?

[Guest User]

51 minutes ago, Candy said:

Thank you for elaborating on that. I want to say it's doable, but I think for many people (including me) it will be, as you said months or even years of practice. When you talk about neutral living, are you referring to non-duality?

It is difficult to explain Neutral living. But I can give an example. I have kids who like to have fun most of the time. As I practice a Neutral Life, I have to neither deny them nor encourage them to have fun all the time. So, I allow them to have fun most of the time and at times I also participate. And yet, I ensure that this fun part does not turn into an addiction or attachment.

Edited January 19, 2020 by Guest User