What are the lessons people most often learn too late in life?

[Candy]

I just read this thread on Quora, and thought it a great piece of advice to share:

What are the lessons people most often learn too late in life?

Sharyn Wolf (LCSW-R, Psychotherapist in private practice in New York City) writes the following: 

 

I am 67 years old. These are among the best things I have ever learned:

1. You spend your first 20 years worrying what people think about you. You spend your next 20 years swearing that you don’t care what people think about you. You spend the next 20 years realising that they aren’t thinking about you. A liberation!
2. Any day on this side of the dirt is a good day. Some people didn’t make the cut last night. I was hit by a speeding taxi as I was walking to a bus stop. I spent a month in rehab with two broken legs, a brain injury, multiple back injuries and other fractures. The night before I was hit, a young, married couple was also hit. They both died. Practice gratitude.
3. A woman I know spends most of her time thinking about how much she hates her thighs. She can give you a detailed report on what is wrong with them. She forgets all the places those legs have taken her, all the miles they have walked for her. It doesn’t occur to her that when she gets up in the middle of the night to pee, those very thighs walk her to the toilet. Spend more time appreciating what you’ve got— a heart that beats, a way to pick up your cup of coffee, the eyes that see that cup and know what colour it is. Blessings abound.
4. There are two kinds of people in this world – those who believe there is enough to go around, and those who don’t. Here is an example: If Margo is leaning up against the car kissing her boyfriend, and I think how nice that must feel, do I try to steal Margo’s boyfriend or do I go out and get my own boyfriend? I go out and get myself a boyfriend. I don’t need to steal Margo’s. I know that there is enough to go around.
5. An old Native American woman was asked why she was always so happy. She said that she has two wolves in her heart and they are both hungry— one wolf is angry and evil, the other wolf is filled with love, and that's the only one she feeds.

Happy Friday, everyone!

[Bj****]

i love

23 minutes ago, Candy said:

You spend your first 20 years worrying what people think about you. You spend your next 20 years swearing that you don’t care what people think about you. You spend the next 20 years realising that they aren’t thinking about you. A liberation!

I love that one

[Tine]

A lesson I learned relatively late and I keep forgetting is "what people say about someone else says more about themselves than about the person they are talking about."

[xe****]

I am 56. I would not say I am not still learning, but there are some useful bits of wisdom you accumulate along the way. I think some of us, (I am pointing a finger at myself), learn the hard way.

The one about other peoples opinions rings true for me. I spent many years living for approval of others and being depressed. I started living for my own inner approval and the majority of my depression went away. I am not saying that works for everybody because sometimes depression is chemical or situational. However I do think giving credence to your own inner being makes a big difference. 

Someone in their fifties once told me to drink more water. Now that I am in my fifties I will say to the younger generation to drink more water.

Your value as a human being does not depend on abilities. I wish I had learned a lot earlier that I exist and am worthy of at the very minimum, my own self respect. There can be no demands or expectations of this lifetime that can change how I respect myself. And if I imagine some unconditional being in the ether, whether I believe in a deity or not, I can generate my own unconditional self acceptance without the need of outside acceptance. That's just me. It's how I get by in this life and love myself.

Alternatively you might find that energy in nature, or the earth, or physical activity, or your own brand of spirituality. I know no one answer works for everybody.

 

[Tine]

On 1/3/2020 at 4:04 PM, xenspirit said:

I think some of us, (I am pointing a finger at myself), learn the hard way.

I can't think of anything substantial I learned the easy way.
Maybe in those cases, it didn't feel like learning because it didn't come with a significant and sudden shift of perspective/ believes but the "non-hard way" lessons tickle in over a more extended period.

[Guest User]

Many of the problems we experience in life comes from Our own past and until we learn to see that it was Our own action, Words or thought in the past that created this situation, there are bound to be times we feel we experience the same suffering over and over again. In my experience, the only way to stop suffering is to understand Our own past and let it go and With letting it go it means to not be Attached to those Things we did or experienced in the past. But to Accept that they was the way it was. and from now (present moment) we stop doing the same old wrongdoings that lead to suffering.

When we stop clinging to emotions, greed, anger, frustration, like/dislike, happiness, sadness. we will see that we create Our own life by how we react to past and present situation, People, Words, and so on. 

As long we can live a truthfu life, have compassion toward all living beings(also in other Dimension) and be benevolent, this is the buildingblocks in the universe. so when we follow this, the universe will see that we have become pure and good People. But if we keep doing the same wrong action Words and thoughts, then we will not experience advancment in the spiritual life. we will be stuck in same situations.

All is Down to Our self to get out of the suffering we feeling

 

[Om****]

I am 77 and I have a list of things I no longer bother to do:

wear make up

worry about how I look

try to please everyone

filter what I say (actually I learned that one a long time ago)  much to my adult children's dismay

shop in noisy stores or deal with urban sprawl  (thank goodness for online shopping). 

Here are things I would advise the younger generation:

save for retirement

don't try to keep up with others who have more than you do

the grass is not always greener on the other side of the fence (on the other hand often it is, so go for the new job, new friend, new location etc)

eat healthy

don't drink so much

don't smoke at all

marry the right person the first time (I wasn't smart at 21 but I was very lucky)

 

 

[Al****]

Hello! Unfortunately, most people can't take care of themselves and they learn it late in life. Sometimes people do some crazy thing and because of it, they are able to move only with a wheelchair . However, they could escape such a sad story if they were more careful.