When a friendship is one sided

[Li****]

A good friend of mine was asking for advice on what to do when a friendship is one sided. He's known his friend for a very long time, but recently realised this person is actually not very nice! They only call him when they need something from him, and anytime he would reach out to them for even the smallest favour, they never show up for him. So, when a friendship is one sided - what do you do? It would be difficult to cut them out completely because they are in the same group of friends, and see each other often. But my friend feels stuck in this pattern of giving so much to this person and getting nothing in return. 

 

I know everyone is different and has different abilities to show up for friends. But when you don't feel supported it can still be really difficult to change the relationship by setting healthier boundaries. 

 

Have you been in a similar situation? What do you do when a friendship is one sided? 

[Tine]

As we change, our relationships and friendships change. A friendship that was satisfying for a long time can change into one we are no longer comfortable with. When a friendship is one-sided, we might even feel used, unseen, and manipulated.
I think you already answered by mentioning healthy boundaries. We need to be honest with ourselves and others and set these boundaries for the sake of our friendship, ourselves, and also our friends. Who, if not our close friends, deserve our honest feedback.

[Bj****]

hmmm, i had a weird experience with a friend i appreciate a lot. We get along really well and still, but i always thought that he could be a really close friend of mine. We function the same and laugh a lot when we are together. Still he never would call or ask if i´m ok and i really got bored of this.
I wouldn´t really say we are not friends, but when a friendship is one sided like this, it doesn´t feel right. I gave him several chances and i´d be still open if i would feel that there is a mutual thinking about our "relation", but as mentioned before this is tiring and i really look where i get supported

[su****]

"Give and thou shalt be given."

 

So if they don't give him anything, he can stop giving them something.

 

Begging for help would make him appear weak, which would be bad because they already use him.

The confident response would be to stop giving until they give.

 

This will not end the friendship, but it will even things out. If the friendship means more than using him, the friendship will remain.
If the contact stops, he got rid of a bad "friendship".

Edited March 24, 2022 by suedseefrucht

[Ch****]

My most friendship is also one sided like any one sided love interest. Now a days in real life no friends for hangout and previous life friends are busy in their life. I think one sided friendships is also cool and I am successful with internet friends. You are also a example of my one sided friends to think sometimes as a special girl for me. You did not accept my friendship request but still I am commenting and engaging at your posts. When a friendship is one sided, two sided love can happen. Lol 😀

[su****]

Who is "you"?
Can't be me, because I added you 2 days ago ^^

I think, there are different roles in friendships and in groups of friends.

One or a few leaders with ideas and engagement and one or a few followers.

Some years ago I was quite shy, so I was a follower. I didn't want to be the center of attention, because I was insecure.

This role is totally fine, it's easy, because you never have to organize something and you still have some fun.

But a follower is expendable. It doesn't really matter if there are 4 or 3 followers, because the ideas and the organisation will be the same.

 

A leader is important, because there will be no meetings, no fun, no activities without him/her. So everybody wants to be the leader's friend.

4 years ago, I met a new group of friends were all the people were a little shy, so I saw my chance and became a leader just by being a little confident and by organizing a crew meeting.

And it feels great to be a leader. Sure, you have to invest engagement and work but you get a lot of respect in return, so I think it's worth it.

 

So if you feel like your friendships are one sided or people don't really care about you, you could try to be a leader.

Don't go to a party, organize the party, invite people and everyone will talk about your great party.

This works best in real life.

[Calvin77]

Unfortunately I have recently learned the lesson about one-sided friendships. I lost my mum recently after caring for her and during her illness and the grieving process there were many people who I thought that would be there for me that were not (conversely, people I didn't expect to reach out, did!). 

 

One or two of those that didn't reach out that much were – what I thought – best friends. We had been through a lot together! I may not always remember birthdays, but I think I'm a good friend in that I always listen, give advice to my friends, support them etc.

 

So, I discovered some so-called friends in a new light and realized how one-sided they could be with things. For myself, I actually decided not to do anything; I didn't want to share my disappointment with them or try to talk it through. I was too busy with just getting through each day. Also, as there was a pandemic I also tried not to judge them. Maybe they had their own shit going on? So, I decided to just step back and stop reaching out to those people due to their one-sided nature. I think if we are meant to reconnect we will. 

My situation is quite extreme, but maybe your friend so just have the courage to confront their friend and be open about it? 


 

[su****]

Sorry for your loss.

But yeah, friendships evolve.

I used to see my school friends every day in school, then I saw them every few months and now in times of the pandemic maybe twice a year, but it's still fun to meet and the friendship somehow survived.

The is also one friend, who I actually like but we didn't have much contact since he got a new job. I had a lot to setting up my new appartment, but now I plan to meet him more often again.

[Ki****]

I just cut my "friend" off.

[bo****]

I wouldn´t really say we are not friends, but when a friendship is one sided like this, it doesn´t feel right. I gave him several chances and i´d be still open if i would feel that there is a mutual thinking about our "relation", but as mentioned before this is tiring and i really look where i get supported