that feeling when rock bottom reaches new lows over and over again

[cr****]

that unbelievable certainty that one can not close his eyes with this much pain and still wake up. Being certain that I'll die in my sleep only cos it can't be otherwise. Inability to accept that I keep finding lows so deeper than the ones before. 

[cr****]

I hope with all my heart that nobody on earth feels what I feel right now. All I want is to die without causing any pain - which is impossible but living can not be any option , in no case possible 

[cr****]

I feel that I just need to chat to people who feel this pain like nobody else can understand until rock bottom is bottomless - this is the truth - there is no rock bottom - it's bottomless, it just gets deeper, like quicksand

[cr****]

the no other option reality - another hard mean truth - it's not that I want to ever commit suicide, it's just that there is no other option available. It's only one option. 

[cr****]

accepting it is what it is because it really is what it is. the combination of everything is so evidently obvious that I can't argue with the Universe anymore.  I hate myself in a way in which hate has a new meaning 

[cr****]

feeling such a strong hatred for oneself is the dirtiest feeling ever with which I can't live. I deserve the pain but I think, I just think maybe I should be entitled to a peaceful death, but the other argument is, I will cause more pain on top of all the pain I caused, so it's torment. I can't wake up a single more morning. I've reached the lowest low. There is no more low. This is it for me. I just have to be compliant with the wish of the universe, my punishment. I deserve it and if I can't take the pain, I can always quit

[cr****]

I hate feeling this much hatred towards me. I wish I could just not exist. I can't do anything. I'm stuck in endless pain

[fr****]

I know how that feels. You describe what I've felt just days ago with just a little variation. Is there direct messaging on this site? If so, I offer an open ear/chat. You can message me whenever/whatever. I just signed up on this site and not sure how it works. 

[cr****]

thanks, I really appreciate it 

[el****]

On 5.6.2023 at 08:09, freeskyfood said:

Ich weiß, wie sich das anfühlt. Sie beschreiben mit ein wenig Abwechslung, was ich vor wenigen Tagen gefühlt habe. Gibt es auf dieser Website Direktnachrichten? Wenn ja, biete ich ein offenes Ohr/einen Chat an. Du kannst mir jederzeit und was auch immer eine Nachricht senden. Ich habe mich gerade auf dieser Website angemeldet und bin mir nicht sicher, wie es funktioniert. 

wie lieb u beruhigend ist es, von menschen wie Ihnen lesen zu dürfen. 

habe mich heute hier angemeldet. u so viel leid u dann wieder zuspruch gelesen. gerne würde ich auch erfahren wollen, wie es den menschen die vor 3jahren hier geschrieben haben, es denen nun HEUTE aktuell geht. wie sie alle aus ihren schlimmsten TIEFS heraus-

gekommen sind. . .

 

mir selbst gehts nach schwerer traumatisierung, mehr schlecht als recht. lebenswilld schwangt, manchmal stündlich.

verlieremehr u mehr an lebenslust. bin 63; weiblich u mußte meist mir alles erkämpfen.

es wird nicht einfacher das leben, iwie fällt mir immer mehr normales, schwer.

will doch nur auch ein wenig glück, lust,liebe.

 

ach was alles bullshit.

vllt kontaktierst du mich ja?

+4915786184101

grüße dich

ele

[KG****]

On 6/4/2023 at 11:09 PM, freeskyfood said:

I know how that feels. You describe what I've felt just days ago with just a little variation. Is there direct messaging on this site? If so, I offer an open ear/chat. You can message me whenever/whatever. I just signed up on this site and not sure how it works. 

I just signed up for this site. I wrestle with mental illness. My sister committed suicide in October. It's sent my episodes through the roof. I'm not suicidal, yet living like this is no quality of life. And I'm afraid if this continues, I won't want to remain on this earth... not like this. I experience joy in glimpses and for that I'm grateful. It appears to last only so long though. This week has been extraordinarily difficult, as my mental state has left me unable to work and there seems no end in site. Navigating the mental health system has not only become a full time job, it's become overwhelming and I feel helpless and alone in it all. 

 

Not sure how this site works