My Former Friend might legally forever lose her daughter to the daughter's soon-to-be stepmother.

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This is a deep situation. My Former friend and the soon-to-be stepmother have/had high level prosecutor jobs.


One of my Former best friends since childhood was married to a police officer and they had one daughter together. My former friend was an Assistant Prosecutor for the county that we reside in.


5 years ago while she was on a trip with her husband, she meets this woman (Who is a prosecutor herself, but a higher level prosecutor than my friend.) My friend becomes good friends with this woman as they keep in touch overtime.


This woman relocated to the offices in our city for her job.



28 months ago, my former friend found out that her now ex-husband has been having a long-term affair with that woman. They  divorced 2 years ago.


My former friend told me that her now ex-husband had actually played a key role in that woman relocating to our state and city.


My  former friend lost her job as an Assistant Prosecutor because she has been mentally unstable and been abusing drugs after the knowledge of her husband's infidelity. I honestly think her issues arose way before she discovered that her husband and her best friend were lovers.

 

How my former friend found out that this former friend of hers was having an affair with her husband was this, this is what she had told me:

She came home from the Prosecutor's Office and found her former Federal Prosecutor Friend sitting completely naked and straddling her husband as they were talking about her daughter and their lives together,

She told me that before she opened the bedroom door, she heard her former friend and her husband discussing how he is going to file for a divorce and how they should get married and get custody of the girl.

My former friend told me that she barged in and confronted both of them on the affair and what they were discussing. Apparently, the Federal Prosecutor got up, got dressed, and those two had a heated argument, the Federal Prosecutor told my former friend that she is the mother that the daughter will know while she grows up.

 

What I should have mentioned was that, my former friend told me when she caught them fooling around on her bed, she told me that she confronted the woman on betraying her confidences to her ex-husband with her ex-husband in the bedroom, after she confronted that woman, that woman was smirking a little and glancing back and forth flirtatiously with her ex-husband with both of them eventually looking at her.

My former friend's substance abuse issues had actually started 2 months before the discovery of the affair, but she had one other major issue at the time.


Her ex-husband and that woman are about to get married and she intends on legally adopting my former friend's daughter. Since her ex-husband is a police officer and the fact that she has been abusing substances, her ex-husband received full custody of their daughter.

I am actually on the side of my former friend's ex-husband and his soon-to-be wife and the future legal mother of his daughter. I spoke to that woman and asked why she feels it is necessary to become the permanent legal mother of my former friend's daughter and she told me straight off that my former friend is a ****ty mother who is reckless and that the daughter should live with two loving parents in a stable home. She also told me that she had miscarried when she was pregnant with a daughter in a previous relationship and is hoping to become the mother by way of stepmother adoption. While my former friend was going through that intense custody battle, I had actually written and spoken to the court system about how my former friend is unfit to have legal custody of her daughter and that her ex-husband and his soon-to-be wife are better suited to have full custody.

I suggested to her ex-husband and that woman that after they get married, the ex-husband needs to file paperwork to have my former friend's parental rights terminated and after it gets terminated, I strongly advised that woman (since she is a Federal Prosecutor) to hire an Adoption Attorney and begin the process of legally becoming the mom of my former friend's daughter.

My former friend should not under any circumstances should not have custody of their daughter.

I should also note that my former friend's daughter is only 3.5 years old.

They divorced 2 years ago, both her ex-husband and his soon-to-be wife have had custody of the daughter for the last 20 months. This woman has raised my former friend's daughter for overt half of her life and the daughter refers to her as her mother.

This woman lost her daughter in a miscarriage and is getting a second chance at having a daughter. I personally think it is lovely that she intends on legally adopting her.

My former friend has constantly contacted her ex-husband and that woman to try and see her daughter, but that woman already went ahead and filed a No Contact Order on my friend for harassment. That has been in affect for over a year.

This is why I believe that it is critical for them to start the process of parental termination immediately and then have her begin the official adoption process.

Making this official is critical for them.

Whose side are you on?

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vor 16 Stunden, schrieb BuckeyeGrad:

Whose side are you on?

First of all I don't like the ex-husband, because I think people should be honest and break up before they start a new relationship.

But I agree that a drug abusing mom should not raise a child. So she did this to herself in a way.

[Guest User]

I disagree with this whole thing. If your "former" best friend was "really" your friend, you would have tried to help her. Why not find out what drove her to abuse drugs? Why not encourage her to get marriage counseling and drug rehabilitation help? There are many things you could have done as a "friend" to help her get on her feet and repair her marriage. You, her ex-husband, and other friend all conspired against this woman selfishly without trying to even help her. This story really upsets my sense of justice. Here I was thinking you were writing a story asking about how to help your friend in her situation, but instead you betray her and try to justify it. I really don't understand this. It's stories like this that make me lose hope in human relationships. Just because someone succumbs to drugs or some other bad habit does not automatically make them unfit and a bad person. As human beings we all have limits to stress and sometimes we need someone to love and help guide us to get back on our feet; not drag us through the mud. Sorry if this seems like a rant, it just really triggered my sense of justice. I'm appalled by the lack of empathy towards your "former" friend as you call her.

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3 hours ago, PigsandRainbows82 said:

I disagree with this whole thing. If your "former" best friend was "really" your friend, you would have tried to help her. Why not find out what drove her to abuse drugs? Why not encourage her to get marriage counseling and drug rehabilitation help? There are many things you could have done as a "friend" to help her get on her feet and repair her marriage. You, her ex-husband, and other friend all conspired against this woman selfishly without trying to even help her. This story really upsets my sense of justice. Here I was thinking you were writing a story asking about how to help your friend in her situation, but instead you betray her and try to justify it. I really don't understand this. It's stories like this that make me lose hope in human relationships. Just because someone succumbs to drugs or some other bad habit does not automatically make them unfit and a bad person. As human beings we all have limits to stress and sometimes we need someone to love and help guide us to get back on our feet; not drag us through the mud. Sorry if this seems like a rant, it just really triggered my sense of justice. I'm appalled by the lack of empathy towards your "former" friend as you call her.

Those  two explained to me the reasons on why making things official is in the best interests for the girl and everyone involved.

 

If she is able to successfully legally adopt the daughter, then:

-She is her one and only mother, as she already has been.
-She takes the pressure off of my former friend in terms of supporting her legal daughter financially, in terms of school, healthcare and everyone at the daughters school will know that she is her mom. Personally, she is more of a fit to provide all of this.
-It would absolutely protect her daughter from my former friend for any unwanted contact such as the harassment she was doing that led to the woman filing a No-Contact Order.
-Their lives have been peaceful after the divorce with the only exception being the harassment.
-She might be thinking that once the documents get changed and everything gets sewn up officially, all three of their lives could be all sunny and bright. I agree with this.

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On 5/14/2023 at 4:12 AM, suedseefrucht said:

First of all I don't like the ex-husband, because I think people should be honest and break up before they start a new relationship.

But I agree that a drug abusing mom should not raise a child. So she did this to herself in a way.

Which is why it is absolutely critical for  the Federal Prosecutor to legally adopt her stepdaughter and make it official (Signed, Sealed, Delivered, and a state of relaxation.)

 

It is crucial for The Federal Prosecutor to have her name on the stepdaughter's birth certificate.

 

The ex-husband, the soon-to-be stepmother, and the daughter, all three of their lives have been peaceful since the divorce with the exception of my former friend's harassment which led to the Federal Prosecutor filing a No-Contact Order against my former friend.

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Am 14.5.2023 at 20:06, schrieb PigsandRainbows82:

I disagree with this whole thing. If your "former" best friend was "really" your friend, you would have tried to help her. Why not find out what drove her to abuse drugs?

That's an interesting question and I think it's pretty tricky to answer it.
On the one hand, friendship is about being there for eachother - even or especially in bad times.
On the other hand, it's wrong to help someone continue ruining a child's childhood with drug abuse.
My personal priority would be a good life for the child, because it's innocent and deserves a good life. The mother had a choice and she chose the drugs. So she will have to deal with the consequences.

[Guest User]

7 hours ago, suedseefrucht said:

That's an interesting question and I think it's pretty tricky to answer it.
On the one hand, friendship is about being there for eachother - even or especially in bad times.
On the other hand, it's wrong to help someone continue ruining a child's childhood with drug abuse.
My personal priority would be a good life for the child, because it's innocent and deserves a good life. The mother had a choice and she chose the drugs. So she will have to deal with the consequences.

I feel my original comment is being misunderstood. If a child is in danger then separating her from her mom was best, but it seems no one is trying to help the mother.


Could it be possible that mom turned to drugs because she was suffering from Post Partum Depression? Did anyone try to help “mom” recover while keeping the child safe in the process? Nobody ever just chooses something bad for no reason.


Her female friend should have tried to help her and her husband find counseling to save their marriage instead of betraying her by entering a relationship with him.


The poster of this discussion also doesn’t state if they tried to assist their former friend with getting help first before giving up on her and switching sides.


There is always a way to protect a child while also respecting the dignity of the parent and trying to assist them with challenges. Again, it is good the child was made safe, but disappointing in how they didn’t try to assist the child’s mother with much needed help for recovery. Everyone just turned their backs on her and started pointing fingers about how bad she is because she turned to drugs.


The world lacks empathy and nobody ever tries to see both sides of the story. I would have never took my friend’s husband from under her. I would have helped him keep the child safe while also trying to help my friend get much needed help with drug abuse. Maybe send her to a rehab. Sometimes new mothers struggle and need help adjusting to raising a child. Maybe she had some pre-existing mental health issues that were unaddressed.


Anyway, that’s my two cents. I have experience as being the “child” where my mom suffered briefly from drug abuse. Me and my siblings were made safe while she recovered. There is always a way to achieve both safety for the child while also protecting the parent if they need help with a personal struggle.