Friendship breakup

[wi****]

I was just wondering if I have the right to be angry about this?

 

I've (38/M) known this woman (43/F) for 18 years, we used to be really close and talk on the phone often and text often and see each other every couple months for a coffee or hiking. She met this guy (38/M) and I was happy for her, she said I would like him but never let me meet him for some reason, others have. They were together for 2 years and broke up and I was there for her through this. After that she seemed different towards me like pushing me away and found out she went back to this guy as best friends hanging out non stop and a few years later (today) I reach out to her every bluemoon she ignores my texts for a while and gives me a voice text, I can't really hear it so she calls me and says she's working on herself and has cut her guy friends out of her life so she can focus on herself and build trust with this guy so no more talking on the phone or hanging out once a year for our hiking but I can say hello every blue moon, so basically she cut me out of her life because her insecure possessive boyfriend and only allowed female friends. She says it was her choice to cut all the guys out of her life including me but she's just defending his awful actions, his terms were to cut all males out of her life if they are to be together again lol. Anyway we hung up and I text her I'll miss her, hope the best for her, that I hope she's always happy in life no matter what even though she dropped me for that trash guy and for her to not reach out to me anymore as I will be blocking her and good luck in life but i'll never forgive her for this bad unhealthy behaviour and goodbye.

 

Do I have a right to be angry?

[Un****]

Ofcourse you have a right to be upset! And I’m sorry that that happened.

[wi****]

11 minutes ago, Unilome888 said:

Ofcourse you have a right to be upset! And I’m sorry that that happened.

Thanks, I just can't believe it's over but she started turning toxic towards me. Things used to be so good between us, oh well my 2nd time losing a friend to a jealous boyfriend. I've also had boyfriends wanna beat me up for talking to their girlfriends even though they were co workers and lots of times guys walk past me giving me looks with their arms around their girls.🤣

[su****]

A boyfriend's point of view is seeing her being in contact to a guy she knows for a very long time. So it's hard for the boyfriend to try and become the most important person in her life. And even if it works, best friends like you could be upset because best friends get a lower priority. (At least in a very serious relationship)

So that's why her (ex)boyfriend doesn't really like her male friends.

And demanding all her male friends gone is a sign of his insecurity.

Appearently, she is insecure too, because she's fulfilling his demand, because she is worried about ending up without a relationship.

 

Of course that's horrible for you. Personally I feel sorry for her, because she is forcing herself into a relationship where her boyfriend tells her how to live her life and she will end up without her best old friends. Either that or she will be able to think straight after a while and end up without the relationship and without her good old friends.

 

I experienced something like this before. In my case, I tried to become the boyfriend and she put me on hold in best friend zone. I was okay with waiting until she got a boyfriend. So I excluded her from my life and after a while she realized what kind of person he was and broke up. She tried to text me again, but I was done with her.

[wi****]

8 hours ago, suedseefrucht said:

A boyfriend's point of view is seeing her being in contact to a guy she knows for a very long time. So it's hard for the boyfriend to try and become the most important person in her life. And even if it works, best friends like you could be upset because best friends get a lower priority. (At least in a very serious relationship)

So that's why her (ex)boyfriend doesn't really like her male friends.

And demanding all her male friends gone is a sign of his insecurity.

Appearently, she is insecure too, because she's fulfilling his demand, because she is worried about ending up without a relationship.

 

Of course that's horrible for you. Personally I feel sorry for her, because she is forcing herself into a relationship where her boyfriend tells her how to live her life and she will end up without her best old friends. Either that or she will be able to think straight after a while and end up without the relationship and without her good old friends.

 

I experienced something like this before. In my case, I tried to become the boyfriend and she put me on hold in best friend zone. I was okay with waiting until she got a boyfriend. So I excluded her from my life and after a while she realized what kind of person he was and broke up. She tried to text me again, but I was done with her.

This is only her 2nd relationship in her life, she was with 1 guy from high school until like 8 years ago. People hated that guy because he was extremly toxic and didn't let her see anyone especially males but she stayed because she loved him even after they broke up she was trying to get him therapy and was trying to fix him and he lived with her. So apparently she has a thing for these types of toxic guys. I dunno what that means though. But when she said she's working on trust with him so cleared off all her male friends and wont be able to hike with me anymore once a year or talk on the phone I knew right in that instant he was sabotaging my friendship with her the entire time which is why the friendship started going 1 sided. She was with him for 2 years, they broke up and she was panicing so much she went to the hospital and the doctor said it was just a broken heart.

 

Once I found out they broke up I was right there talking to her on the phone like 3-4 times every month checking up on her, texting her all the time making sure she was ok...she even surprised me wanting to see me after her work for some food and sit down at the ocean. A few weeks later we hiked and I thought she was doing much better so I told her I would talk to her in a couple months, she hated that but I stuck with it, pretty much after that things between us took a huge drop off. A year and a half later here we are with this thread.