Damaged Empath Afraid to be Loved

[Ev****]

I'm in love with a damaged empath. She is afraid of my love. She either has been abused in previous relationships or she ended relationships that were good. She felt abandoned by her mother as a child and is overly protective now, pressing the self destruct button on us before we can begin. She is running away from me because she is scared of getting hurt, she is sabotaging her own happiness. I have told her today verbally and in text after talking with her: "You were running away/pushing me away because you were afraid of getting hurt again like in the past. You have genuine love, affection and fun in front of you and it scares you, but you deserve to be loved and happy where other current problems will be easier to deal with too. You have stability, certainty, harmony, peace and fun with me/us, where you will heal (in your own time/way) with acceptance and respect and without stress or drama from me. I want you, I want to be with you, I want a relationship with you. Listen to your heart"................................................Thoughts Please.

[su****]

I know people like her.
I think, she will always want to be in control of her life and she would not like to be dependent on someone. So if she has a problem and she wants to handle it by herself, you will have to respect that. That can be pretty hard for you, but it will take a long time like years until she accepts help or gifts. So the good thing is: She will probably not use you.

 

Since she is very empathic, another challenge can be to make her tell you her true opinions and wishes.

So she might say something, just because she doesn't want to bother you, even though she secretly wishes the opposite. It can be very complicated and drive you crazy.

For example: She would like to meet, you would like to meet, but she says you shouldn't meet, because she doesn't want to require you to drive that far.

That can be very tricky.

 

I would recommend to start things slowly with some kind of friendship. You can start with some common activities, show your interest by asking her about her day and make her smile with funny comments. When she has a problem, you should offer your help, but be ready for a lot of rejection.

 

Good luck.

[Ev****]

4 hours ago, suedseefrucht said:

I know people like her.
I think, she will always want to be in control of her life and she would not like to be dependent on someone. So if she has a problem and she wants to handle it by herself, you will have to respect that. That can be pretty hard for you, but it will take a long time like years until she accepts help or gifts. So the good thing is: She will probably not use you.

 

Since she is very empathic, another challenge can be to make her tell you her true opinions and wishes.

So she might say something, just because she doesn't want to bother you, even though she secretly wishes the opposite. It can be very complicated and drive you crazy.

For example: She would like to meet, you would like to meet, but she says you shouldn't meet, because she doesn't want to require you to drive that far.

That can be very tricky.

 

I would recommend to start things slowly with some kind of friendship. You can start with some common activities, show your interest by asking her about her day and make her smile with funny comments. When she has a problem, you should offer your help, but be ready for a lot of rejection.

 

Good luck.

Hi Suedseefrucht.

 

I feel you have unique insight.

I'm very grateful for it and your time.

Best Wishes)

[Ev****]

Sunday at 05:29 PM, suedseefrucht said:

I know people like her.
I think, she will always want to be in control of her life and she would not like to be dependent on someone. So if she has a problem and she wants to handle it by herself, you will have to respect that. That can be pretty hard for you, but it will take a long time like years until she accepts help or gifts. So the good thing is: She will probably not use you.

 

Since she is very empathic, another challenge can be to make her tell you her true opinions and wishes.

So she might say something, just because she doesn't want to bother you, even though she secretly wishes the opposite. It can be very complicated and drive you crazy.

For example: She would like to meet, you would like to meet, but she says you shouldn't meet, because she doesn't want to require you to drive that far.

That can be very tricky.

 

I would recommend to start things slowly with some kind of friendship. You can start with some common activities, show your interest by asking her about her day and make her smile with funny comments. When she has a problem, you should offer your help, but be ready for a lot of rejection.

 

Good luck.

After a nice evening at the movies on Valentines day where we got closer and held hands she told me on 15th she doesn't want a relationship with me, doesn't want a relationship with anyone at the moment and asked for space. I have respected her wishes and stepped back. She thanked me and said she wanted my friendship. I believe I need to let her go (in my head) but my heart believes she's my twin flame. How can I "pretend' to be a friend when I long for so much more - her happiness is my priority and if I have to let her go for her to be happy, then so be it. I have let her go but my heart is breaking. Any guidance?

[su****]

vor 7 Stunden, schrieb Evatu:

Any guidance?

When I was single, I got to know two different women who were used by their (then ex) boyfriends. 

 

One told me, she needed a lot of time and needed to start a relationship very slowly. Unfortunately, it turned out, she was dating another guy while I was patiently waiting as a friend. So I said goodbye and OF COURSE! the guy just used her and was unfriendly. But I never gave her another chance.

 

The other one was really just a friend I got to know while gaming and we didn't expect a relationship at all. But we became best friends, told each other everything and we became so important to each other that we got together.

 

I don't know your damaged empath, but my experience taught me:

If she denies a relationship and wants you as a friend, you will give her everything because you love her and she will just use that and give nothing back.

So I would let her go, but I can be wrong as well, since you can't really compare people.

 

I would recommend to do something you like to do for fun in public and get to know good people that way.

If you like dancing, start a dancing class.

If you like some kind of sport, work out and talk to the other people about your common interest.

If you like chess, go to a chess club.

This way, you do something for yourself. You like something, so you do it. Maybe you will meet someone nice, but even if you don't, you will at least have some fun.

[su****]

I think, a lot of people have to learn how life works.
People who put their perfect partner into friendzone, because they think they can do better, didn't get it.
It is not about finding Mr./Ms. perfect, trying to be perfect and living without fights and bad times.
Nobody is perfect. You don't have to be perfect. You will never find someone perfect.
Life is what happens while you follow other plans. So never forget to enjoy life.
Life is about laughing about your weaknesses, making mistakes and the perfect partner is someone who accepts you and who makes failure fun.

[Ev****]

2 hours ago, suedseefrucht said:

When I was single, I got to know two different women who were used by their (then ex) boyfriends. 

 

One told me, she needed a lot of time and needed to start a relationship very slowly. Unfortunately, it turned out, she was dating another guy while I was patiently waiting as a friend. So I said goodbye and OF COURSE! the guy just used her and was unfriendly. But I never gave her another chance.

 

The other one was really just a friend I got to know while gaming and we didn't expect a relationship at all. But we became best friends, told each other everything and we became so important to each other that we got together.

 

I don't know your damaged empath, but my experience taught me:

If she denies a relationship and wants you as a friend, you will give her everything because you love her and she will just use that and give nothing back.

So I would let her go, but I can be wrong as well, since you can't really compare people.

 

I would recommend to do something you like to do for fun in public and get to know good people that way.

If you like dancing, start a dancing class.

If you like some kind of sport, work out and talk to the other people about your common interest.

If you like chess, go to a chess club.

This way, you do something for yourself. You like something, so you do it. Maybe you will meet someone nice, but even if you don't, you will at least have some fun.

Hi Suedseefrucht.

 

Thank you. I'm already there - I know how to self-heal: I'm going on a holiday next week alone (Amsterdam) - I will meet people there and socialise. I've started an online course (Reiki) and joined a year long training program (Shamanism). I've already made enquiries about joining a dance class (Jiving) and want to learn Bachata and Latin also. I currently enjoy gymnastics and calisthenics.

 

She said she wanted to stop our current daily communications (WhatsApp), multiple messages each day. Both she and I are aware of the Enabler / Saviour / Good Samaritan role and I'm aware that if I maintain current contact I will enable her difficulty to self-develop and progress emotionally, personally and professionally by being protective but a helpless/powerless protector which would completely deplete me. She is a good person, I have no doubt of that. I know I have to cut ties for both ours sakes for several weeks at least. She is going into War zones in Ukraine next month and I will both physically sick and emotionally distraught with worry and anxiety again - sleepless nights, (she went before in Jan) if I stay in close contact with her. I have to let her go in all ways and she can't be worrying about my concern and asking her to keep texting me that she OK and safe like I did last time. She has to do what she has to do without my involvement. I might just txt her "Safe Travels" before she goes on 5th Mar. She would be back in Ireland by 20th Mar. I might say a friendly hello then, I don't know at the moment.

 

By the way she's an Emotional empath and I'm a developed Heyoka empath and currently changing my life direction away from corporate and towards Light-Working with the intention of having my own holistic centre in Spain in a few years time. The thing is I believe she is my twin flame but she isn't on the same plane/level/space as me just yet and our meeting and time together has been to develop and heal both her and I - it's just going to take some time before our paths cross again when we have both evolved into a more aligned space. In the meantime for me life is for living and developing physically, emotionally and Spiritually. 

 

Thank you Suedseefrucht for choosing to be who you are.

Warm Regards.

Robert (real name)

[su****]

You're welcome.
I don't reall care about all these labels like "lightworking", "heyoka empath", or things like that. I just gained some experience when I was failing, suffering and despairing and now I try to help others and help them solve their problems to make their way easier.

 

I'm sorry for your sleepless nights because of her traveling. Unfortunately, there are somethings we just can't control and we still worry about them.

I'm struggling with my cats at the moment. Two of them were pretty sick, one recovered but the other one is getting worse again and it's just horrible. I can't let him go, because he is still alive, I can't be calm because he is very sick and so it's just worrying for multiple weeks with nothing I can do.

 

I hope there will be brighter days soon.

[Ev****]

23 minutes ago, suedseefrucht said:

You're welcome.
I don't reall care about all these labels like "lightworking", "heyoka empath", or things like that. I just gained some experience when I was failing, suffering and despairing and now I try to help others and help them solve their problems to make their way easier.

 

I'm sorry for your sleepless nights because of her traveling. Unfortunately, there are somethings we just can't control and we still worry about them.

I'm struggling with my cats at the moment. Two of them were pretty sick, one recovered but the other one is getting worse again and it's just horrible. I can't let him go, because he is still alive, I can't be calm because he is very sick and so it's just worrying for multiple weeks with nothing I can do.

 

I hope there will be brighter days soon.

Simbie was born in June 2005 and she was in my life for 17.5 years. I was present at her birth and helped her mother when the first born kitten was breached and not alive. Simbie was next she was born into my hands and at the vets she was "released" and died in my hands in Jan. I feel I should have brought her earlier for her gentle release - she was very old, very weak and already dying by the time I brought her. Age just caught up with her. She was my family and my grief for her is still raw.

 

You have my heart-felt sympathy for what you're going through. Remember:

 

Pets are in our life for just a short time,

But we are in their life for all of their life.