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Repetitive self-critical talk is torturous and wreaks havoc on your mental health. From quieting your inner critic to redefining failure and success, Dee Marques shares seven techniques to help you stop beating yourself up and start loving yourself – mistakes included. "I can’t believe I messed that up again. Why do I always do this?" "I should have known better. What’s wrong with me?" "I’ll never get it right. I’m such a failure" Does any of this negative, 'beating yourself up' talk sound familiar? Many of us have a harsh inner critic that spends a lot of time and energy replaying past mistakes and setting impossible standards. Beating yourself up can impact your self-worth, confidence and overall mental well-being. Although our inner critic likes to think it’s acting to push ourselves to be better, constant self-criticism rarely leads to growth. Let's explore why we mentally torture ourselves this way, how this pattern affects our lives, and how to stop beating yourself up. Different ways we beat ourselves up There are different ways we give voice to our inner critic. Self-criticism can appear as: Overgeneralisation "I always mess things up" or "It’s never good enough" Black-or-white thinking "If I’m not perfect, I’m worthless" Ruminating over mistakes "If only I'd said this instead" Catastrophising "This mistake will ruin my everything for me now" Constant comparison "Look how far ahead they are compared to me" Taking responsibility for negative outcomes "If I had tried harder, this wouldn’t have happened" or "It’s all my fault" Dismissing achievements and positive outcomes "Yes, but anyone could have done this, it’s not a big deal." This type of maladaptive perfectionism has been linked to a higher chance of experiencing severe stress, anxiety, and depressive disorders, in addition to weakening our coping abilities. Learning how to silence your inner critic is essential Why do we beat ourselves up? So, why do we do beat ourselves up and torture ourselves so with self-critical chatter? Why is it so easy to be our own worst critic? Firstly, there may be something of an evolutionary survival instinct involved. Our brains are wired to focus on threats, which can lead to the idea that “only the strongest survive”. Upbringing and social conditioning also play a major role here. If growing up you learnt that love, self-worth, and approval were conditional on success or flawless performance, you may have internalised the belief that mistakes mean you are a failure. Studies confirm that unhealthy perfectionism is a learned behaviour passed on from parents, relatives, peers, teachers, etc. Moreover, a world that glorifies success and perfection – especially in social media – can condition us to believe that being tough on ourselves with self-critical talk is the only way to meet ever-increasing standards. At the same time, these cultural and social pressures make us feel like we’re constantly falling behind. “Why do we do beat ourselves up? There may be an evolutionary survival instinct involved. Our brains are wired to focus on threats, which can lead to the idea that 'only the strongest survive'.” Indeed, a recent study from the University of Bath focused on college students in the USA found that more recent generations of college students reported significantly higher levels of perfectionism compared to earlier generations. Focused on millennials graduating between 1989 and 2016, the authors found an increase in three types of perfectionist traits in the more recent graduates, ranging between 10% and 33%. And lastly, the more we repeat these patterns, the more ingrained they become, until self-criticism feels like the only way we know how to talk to ourselves. This activates or perpetuates shame and guilt cycles, making it harder to see the pattern for what it is (a form of self-punishment) and to break free from it. This is why learning how to stop beating yourself up is so important for emotional resilience and self-worth. How to stop beating yourself up: 7 ideas The good news is, just as you learned to be self-critical, you can also reverse it by learning how to stop beating yourself up. Understanding why we fall into this negative habit is the first step. Here are seven other steps you can try. 1. Redefine your perception of responsibility and mistakes People with a tendency to beat themselves up are typically highly responsible and growth-oriented. But does being responsible mean that you can’t make mistakes? This is an all-or-nothing perception that actually hurts your ability to improve and grow. Don't beat yourself up; instead: Remind yourself that you can take responsibility without going straight into shame and blame whenever you make a mistake. Stop beating yourself up: self-criticism achieves nothing 2. Notice (and quiet) your inner critic Carry a notebook or use a journaling app and write down every time you notice your inner critic speaking. This can help you separate yourself from that shadow part of your personality and be more aware of its harmful internal dialogue. Don't beat yourself up; instead: Practise detachment from self-critical internal dialogue to avoid magnifying it. 3. Redefine failure and success Do you have rigid definitions of success and failure? If so, it might be time to challenge them. Sometimes, our definitions of success and failure are like a rigid container: they can’t accommodate growth, because instead of adapting and expanding, they break due to how inflexible they are. “Don't beat yourself up. Instead, remind yourself that you can take responsibility without going straight into shame and blame whenever you make a mistake.” It’s also worth taking some time to explore where do your criteria for failure and success come from. Are they really yours, or did you “inherit” them from others during your childhood? You can then come up with alternative definitions, like “success is not about perfection; it’s about progress” or “failure isn’t the end of the road; it’s a step in the ladder of growth”. Don't beat yourself up; instead: Ask yourself “What if I allowed failure to be a teacher rather than a punishment?” MORE LIKE THIS: Perfectionism and Anxiety: 7 Ways to Cope Why What Other People Think of You is Really None of Your Business Self-Validation: 5 Ways to Develop It 4. Ask yourself how is this helping you Be honest: What does beating yourself up achieve? Does self-criticism actually help you improve, or does it make you feel stuck? If this habit is not serving you and actually ruins your mood, it’s time to replace it with happier and healthier habits. Don't beat yourself up; instead: Commit to increasing the level of joy in your life. 5. Break the cycle of shame Shame is deeply linked to self-criticism, and can become a toxic emotion enmeshed into a cycle of self-doubt, resentment and disappointment. Breaking this cycle starts with recognising that your worth is not defined by your perceived failures. Don't beat yourself up; instead: Stop dwelling on what went wrong and focus on how you can move forward with self-respect. 6. Cultivate self-forgiveness Embracing forgiveness is essential in the process of learning how to stop beating yourself up. But sometimes, it’s easy to forget that we need to be forgiving with ourselves and not just with others. Consider creating a small ritual, like writing yourself a letter of forgiveness or simply saying out loud: I forgive myself. I am doing my best, and that is enough. Don't beat yourself up; instead: Explore different ways of practising self-forgiveness. Self-forgiveness is one step towards loving yourself, warts and all! 7. Practise compassion and acceptance Self-compassion doesn’t mean making excuses for yourself (in case your inner critic is saying so as you read this!). Being compassionate means treating yourself with the same kindness and patience you would offer a loved one, without making distinctions. At the same time, self-acceptance doesn’t mean giving up on growth, but rather understanding that you are worthy through the entire process of growth. Don't beat yourself up; instead: Remember that real growth happens when we acknowledge mistakes with self-compassion instead of self-condemnation. Takeaway: don't beat yourself up If you’ve spent years being hard on yourself, this self-critical tendency won’t change overnight. Don’t fall into the trap of thinking that being kind to yourself means being irresponsible or too soft. The way you speak to yourself matters, and every time you choose self-compassion over self-criticism, you take a step toward inner peace. So, the next time your inner critic starts to take over, remind yourself that you are human, just like everyone else. And instead of beating yourself up, ask yourself: how would I treat someone I love in this situation? There’s a lot of freedom, joy, and growth in moving away from self-criticism and self-punishment. Are you ready to experience that? ● Images: shutterstock/PoporLing, shutterstock/DimaBerlin, shutterstock/Perfect Wave happiness.com | The fine art of being: learn, practise, share Are you a happiness.com member yet? Sign up free to: ■ enjoy our happiness magazine with practical life tips ■ share and support others in our happiness forum Gratitude | Lemonading | Compassion | Keys to Happiness Written by Dee Marques A social sciences graduate with a keen interest in languages, communication, and personal development strategies. Dee loves exercising, being out in nature, and discovering warm and sunny places where she can escape the winter.

Shadow work involves examining our personality flaws in an attempt to understand ourselves better. It's tough work but hugely beneficial. Psychologist Stanislava Puač Jovanović shares 31 shadow work prompts you can ask yourself to get started with the practice. The Shadow is the part of ourselves, according to K. G. Jung, that represents our dark side. It holds all the morally reprehensible tendencies we wish we did not have. However, it also hides many of our qualities, capacities and potential. Shadow work means increasing awareness of your thoughts, feelings and actions. Moreover, it requires you to become brutally honest with yourself and not criticize or condemn. You will need to practise self-compassion and learn to own your weaknesses, not project them onto others. Therefore, even though it may sound simple at first, shadow work is a quite psychologically challenging journey. For this reason, we may need some shadow work prompts to help us out on this road. This article will explain why you need them and what you get from shadow work prompts. We will talk about how to use these shadow work prompts and offer a few possibilities you might want to pick from when embarking on your psychological journey to self-awareness. Why do we need shadow work prompts? First, let us be clear on why we need to travel to the dark caves of our subconsciousness and search for the monsters there in the first place. Since you are reading this, I will assume you do have a desire to understand yourself better. You want to be a complete person. And to be one, you need to embrace all of your sides — the good and the bad. In Jung’s words, we may not become enlightened by imagining figures of light. We become enlightened by making the darkness conscious. “Shadow work prompts will give your search for self-awareness some structure. They will lead you through the thick underbrush of your mind.” And precisely here lies the reason why we need shadow work prompts. Our subconsciousness is uncharted territory for us. Scientific research demonstrated that our unconscious mind guides our perceptions, evaluation, and motivation. Even though others may notice the Bad and the Ugly in our actions, as a rule, we remain ignorant of what we hid from our consciousness. So, you need guidance on the path of personal investigation. Shadow work prompts will give your search for self-awareness some structure. They will lead you through the thick underbrush of your mind. How to use these shadow work prompts Shadow work is as distinctive as every individual. That is, there are no absolute rules you need to follow. It is your personal journey. You will do best if you follow the unique guides that appear on this path. Nonetheless, you should consider a few valuable tips for using shadow work prompts. First, take it slow. Shadow work prompts will take you into rather heavy topics. Remember, the Shadow is the side of yourself you are not keen on. So, to avoid ruminating for hours about what you discover about yourself, think about writing or meditating about one shadow work prompt at a time. Explore shadow work prompts with journaling At the same time, make shadow work a regular practice. Similarly to psychotherapy, this form of self-exploration requires commitment. Indeed, research shows that regularity is a necessary element of therapeutic growth. You may want to come up with a centring ritual as a beginning of your shadow work for the day. It can be anything from taking a walk, meditating, doing yoga, having a quiet cup of tea, or lighting a candle and saying an affirmation. Finally, trust your psyche to take you where you need to go. Shadow work prompts are likely to take you places you have tried to avoid for your entire life. Still, remember — to be whole, you need to recognise and accept every corner of your psychological existence. So, let the thoughts and words come to you. Write or think freely, without censorship. Things to hold onto while reflecting Shadow work prompts will trigger an avalanche of insights that most likely will not feel comfortable. Even though you might have been preparing for this, you may learn that you possess the traits you despise the most in others. Such knowledge could shake your self-image, at least at the beginning of the process. Because shadow work is supposed to take you on a path of psychological growth (and not be an arena for self-loathing), remember to lean into these three core principles: • Self-compassion Be kind to yourself. What you are really learning is that you are a human, nothing more. No one person is perfect. Embrace the fact that you have flaws, and applaud your courage to look them square in the eye. • Passive observation Do not judge what you are learning about yourself. Simply recognize the thoughts and insights that are coming to you after you employ the shadow work prompts below. You are here to explore, not to moralise. It is precisely your attempt to comply with cultural, social and moral norms that caused the creation of the Shadow. • Honest reflection/documentation All the work you are about to do is not worth the time if you are not honest. Indeed, make sure you are completely honest. It will be a bit ugly at times. But the only way to make shadow work truly worthwhile is if you are frank with yourself. Answering shadow work prompts will reveal the devil inside shutterstock/ra2 studio 31 shadow work prompts At this point, decide if you are going to journal (which I recommend) or merely reflect on these shadow work prompts. Pick the time and the settings in which you will commit to shadow work. “Shadow work prompts will trigger an avalanche of insights that most likely will not feel comfortable. Even though you might have been preparing for this, you may learn that you possess the traits you despise the most in others.” When you're ready, go ahead and delve into these shadow work prompts. Also, feel free to journal in freestyle whenever you feel like it. These prompts are meant to trigger your reflection and help you notice the areas in which the “monsters under your bed” might be hiding. So, a river of thoughts and associations may follow. Note down whatever you notice and let the process of self-discovery evolve on its own terms. Family and childhood shadow work prompts How are you similar to your mother, father and family members/caregivers? How does this make you feel? How did your caregivers comfort you when you were upset as a child? Do you do something similar when you or someone close to you is upset? What irritates you the most about your mother/father? Do you manifest the same trait, and when? Remember an event from your childhood that made you feel insecure, unloved or scared. In which situations do you feel similar, now as an adult? What is your most traumatic experience from childhood? How has this experience affected your actions and perceptions as an adult? Romantic relationships shadow work prompts Do you have patterns in your romantic relationships? Are/were you in a relationship that seemed familiar to that between your parents? Which of your father’s/mother’s traits do you expect from your romantic partners? Do you behave like your mother/father in romantic relationships? What do you not forgive in romance? Why? How do you behave when there is a conflict in your romantic relationship? Friendship and social relationships shadow work prompts What is your best friend like? Why did you pick them to be your best friend? What irritates you about others the most? What do others say about you that is not flattering? How much truth there is in that? In which situations are you misunderstood/disregarded/ignored? What valuable traits do others have, and you do not? What emotions are you afraid to show to others? Who do you hate to disappoint? Why? Self-image and behaviours shadow work prompts When did you not act like yourself? What made you act that way? When were you most embarrassed about yourself? Why? When were you in denial? What was the biggest lie you ever told? Why? What triggers you to act aggressively, to act out, to become disproportionally sad, to act impulsively? Do you feel like an imposter? In which situations? What is the worst thing you have done? Why? How do you feel about it now? When are you most envious? Why? Takeaway: freedom through self-acceptance Let me return to Jung’s quote at this point. In Modern Man in Search of a Soul, he wrote: “How can I be substantial if I do not cast a shadow? I must have a dark side also If I am to be whole.” Shadow work prompts are there to take you to the place of wholeness and freedom. They may not be pleasant to go over. Still, know that no alive person is immaculate. Remember the other quote from Jung? To paraphrase — you will not become enlightened by ignoring the darkness. You need to bring the hidden monsters to light. Only then can you address what you do not like about yourself. Only then can you make choices to do better or to change. Freedom will come with the acceptance of who you are as a whole person. Learn the good, the bad and the ugly truths about yourself. Accept them and be free to be whoever you now choose to be. • Main image: shutterstock/Juice Flair happiness.com | The fine art of being: learn, practise, share Are you a happiness.com member? Sign up for free to enjoy: ■ our happiness magazine with practical life tips ■ sharing and supporting others in our happiness forum ■ developing with free online classes in our Academy Authenticity | Coaching | Self-help | Kindness Written by Stanislava Puač Jovanović Stanislava Puač Jovanović has a master’s degree in psychology and works as a freelance writer and researcher in this area. Her primary focus is on questions relating to mental health, stress-management, self-development and well-being.

Purposefully examining our personalities for flaws and negative traits can be unsettling but the rewards are many. Psychologist Stanislava Puač Jovanović explains what shadow work is, the benefits it offers, and five ways how you can start doing it. In one of his most famous quotes from Modern Man in Search of a Soul, Carl Gustav Jung said: “How can I be substantial if I do not cast a shadow? I must have a dark side also If I am to be whole.” Shadow work is based on Jung’s concept of the shadow, which, in its simplest, represents the parts of our personalities we would rather not possess. However, we do. Not only possess them – they make up part of who we are. Regardless of how uncomfortable we are with those aspects of our Self, they are here. And, most importantly, they guide our actions from a shadow. That is why shadow work is essential if we are to become fully conscious of why we do the things we do. But, what is shadow work? This article will explain the basic concepts of shadow work, why it is essential and how to do it. What is shadow work? In his uncanny ability to name complex concepts in a way that resonates with everyone, Jung spoke of the shadow. It is the part of ourselves that holds all that a person has no wish to be. However, it also contains all sorts of qualities, capacities and potential. In Jung’s own words, the “shadow is that hidden, repressed, for the most part, inferior and guilt-laden personality whose ultimate ramifications reach back into the realm of our animal ancestors… If it has been believed hitherto that the human shadow was the source of evil, it can now be ascertained on a closer investigation that the unconscious man, that is, his shadow does not consist only of morally reprehensible tendencies, but also displays a number of good qualities, such as normal instincts, appropriate reactions, realistic insights, creative impulses […]“. • INTERESTED IN SELF-GROWTH? Sign-up for free courses in our happiness Academy • The shadow is usually born with our parents’ or society’s disapproval of our impulses. We then learn to block and deny them to ourselves and, simply put, be “good”. But, we do not only change our behaviour. We choose to “forget” those unacceptable impulses. Learn how to do shadow work and unlock potential shutterstock/Douceflour The problem arises when a person represses the shadow – which we invariably most often do. By sweeping parts of our Self we are uncomfortable with under the rug, we expose ourselves to many adversities. Studies on the perils of repression revealed that it can lead to: Loss of energy Increased risk of cancer and cardiovascular diseases Suboptimal interpersonal interactions - we feel threatened (and our physiological responses match that feeling), while others also feel threatened by our suppression of emotions A decline in physical and mental health and the overall well-being Loss of creativity and productivity So, what is shadow work? Shadow work is a process in which you learn to recognize, understand and accept your shadow. Although it sounds straightforward, it is, in fact, a laborious endeavour. However, avoiding the adversities of repressing the shadow is well worth the effort. How shadow work can improve your life Living without the shadow, that is, without it in your consciousness, means living an incomplete life. You are not consciously in charge of all your decisions, perceptions and actions. Not convinced? If you take a closer look at your experiences, you will surely notice incidents when you acted “out of character”. Yet, this slip-up did not just come out of nowhere. Your shadow self took over. Indeed, the parts of ourselves that we ignore tend to turn against us eventually. “When you embark on shadow work, you can expect a range of positive outcomes. Shadow work is a profound way to enhance your relationship with yourself, others, and the world.” When you embark on shadow work, you can expect a range of positive outcomes. In response to the question: “What is shadow work?” these benefits offer an answer – shadow work is a profound way to enhance your relationship with yourself, others, and the world. Improved relationships What we perceive as flaws, when repressed, is most often projected onto others. We are judgmental, dismissive, and hypercritical – we hate weaknesses in others. Shadow work makes you more grounded and accepting of others. Increased confidence When you learn to understand and accept your shadow, you can become authentically more confident. You are no longer a captive of your repressed fears of condemnation. You own all your parts and need not frantically hide them from others and yourself. This creates more inner confidence. Enhanced energy and physical health Repressing emotions and thoughts is arduous work. As said before, it takes a toll on your energy levels and has been shown to even lead to a range of diseases, from chronic fatigue to cancer. When you let the dam open, it can be scary at first – but it will release your energy and help you be healthier. Psychological integration and maturity Mature adulthood is not a given. According to some authors, merely 2 per cent of adults reach this psychological development stage. Shadow work brings you closer to authentic maturity and wisdom. Greater creativity Creativity, according to humanistic psychologists such as Maslow and Rogers, is a hallmark of self-actualised, mentally healthy individuals. When you repress your “dark side”, the collateral damage is creativity in all life areas. On the flip side, when you open the gates between all the parts of your psyche, creative impulses will start to flow again. How to practise shadow work If you started reading this article with the question: “What is shadow work?” by now, you are probably wondering, “OK, so how can I do shadow work?” Although completing shadow work usually requires a professional’s help, there are plenty of activities you can do on your own to start communicating with your shadow. Overall, shadow work exercises centre around three basic principles – awareness, honesty and acceptance. Here are five activities to get you started with befriending your shadow. 1. Develop self-awareness The most obvious yet, highly challenging step in shadow work is cultivating awareness of your thoughts, feelings, and actions. Our shadow, albeit hidden, gives clues of who she/he is. Repressed content appears in our dreams, slip-ups, projections, acting-outs. Learn to observe your experiences. Who makes you particularly angry? Why? What it is in others you cannot stand? What do you dream about that feels foreign when you wake up? In which situations you tend to “lose it”? Meditation can assist you in fostering self-awareness. Mindfulness offers awareness with suspended judgement – just what you need when you do shadow work. 2. Be unswervingly honest Yes, a predictable piece of advice, but a tough one. Most of us spent our entire lives with a strong urge not to let out flaws show. As good we are at hiding imperfections from others – we are masters in hiding them from ourselves. Facing up to all sides of who you are is part of shadow work Nonetheless, what you hide from yourself owns you. So, face the monster. Do not do it in a judgmental way. That would be your Super Ego talking. You want to be unshakably honest but not criticizing or condemning. It will not be comfortable. It will take courage. But, at the end of the road, autonomy and genuine confidence await you. (Also, no one is looking. Nobody is listening. Just be frank.) 3. Be compassionate with yourself The way to avoid rife (unconstructive, to be precise) self-criticism is to practise self-compassion. Become your best friend, unconditionally supportive, and be good to yourself at all times. You will need it once you start facing the skeletons in your psychological closet. According to Kristin Neff, a psychologist researching self-compassion, it has three components: Self-kindness (being supportive, kind, and forgiving towards yourself) Common humanity (understanding that you are not alone in your pain and imperfection) Mindfulness (accepting your experiences without being condemnatory) 4. Recollect your projections As you read above, what we repress about ourselves, we tend to project onto others. Your job now is to recollect those projections. Claim the weaknesses and flaws back. Yes, you are not perfect. But you must come to peace with that, instead of hating, being repulsed by, or fearing others. It is the only way to see yourself, others, and the world realistically. “Shadow work is a process in which you learn to recognize, understand and accept your shadow. Although it sounds straightforward, it is, in fact, laborious.” So, the next time you notice that you are possibly overreacting about someone’s actions, ask yourself – what is making me so angry/scared/judgmental? What part of me is hiding behind my reaction? Do this again and again, and respond with the steadfast honesty we spoke of earlier. 5. Keep a shadow journal The final step in shadow work is to keep a journal. The disowned parts of ourselves are tricky. They can still elude you – even after you have noticed them. Your mind will keep trying to repress the darkness for some time. RELATED: Journaling techniques – travels to our interior So, write down your insights regularly. Make sure you come back to your notes from time to time to refresh your memory, in a sense. After a while, they will finally stick in your conscious awareness. The wrap: embrace your wholeness Getting to know anyone’s “dark” side is always an unnerving experience. But when it is your own darkness, it can be downright scary. However, let us channel Socrates to encourage ourselves to do so – “the unexamined life is not worth living”. Indeed, you will never be complete unless you know and accept every nook and cranny of your soul. You will never be the master of your actions unless you learn to look your darkest motives in the eye. So, venture into shadow work as soon as now. You might be amazed by how more vibrant life feels once you dismiss the veil of repression and become accepting of your whole Self. • Main image: shutterstock/Dean Drobot happiness.com | The fine art of being: learn, practise, share Are you a happiness.com member? Sign up for free to enjoy: ■ our happiness magazine with practical life tips ■ sharing and supporting others in our happiness forum ■ developing with free online classes in our Academy Self-help | Coaching | Kindness | Authenticity Written by Stanislava Puač Jovanović Stanislava Puač Jovanović has a master’s degree in psychology and works as a freelance writer and researcher in this area. Her primary focus is on questions relating to mental health, stress-management, self-development and well-being.

In today's noisy and unsettling world, in can be difficult to find inner peace and tranquility. Dee Marques explores the three key techniques that can help: mindfulness, shadow work and cultivating equanimity. It’s true that human history has always been marked by unsavoury events, but perhaps you share the feeling that these days, conflict, hatred, and violence suddenly seem to be all around us. Feeling you don’t really know what’s happening to the world is deeply unsettling and can threaten your inner peace and happiness. Yet, there are things you can do to counteract these emotions. Here are some ideas on how you can promote inner peace within yourself – and with others – regardless of how uncertain the world around us may be. Finding inner peace When dealing with hatred and violence, finding ways to promote inner peace requires mindful action. Here are the three key techniques you can use to try and find that inner calm and quiet. 1. Mindfulness Our first suggestion is to practise mindfulness. Not just because of its ability to transform your inner self, but because it can change your perception of the world, too. Indeed, scientific studies have shown that regular mindfulness practice appears to shrink the amygdala (the part of the brain that controls feelings of fear), while at the same time activating the pre-frontal cortex, which is associated with decision-making and awareness. All this means that mindfulness can help us regulate our emotions instead of simply reacting to triggers. It also helps us make more balanced judgements about what’s going on around us, as well as inside us. Discover some great mindfulness tips, such as mindful eating and drinking, gratitude walks and creating a start-of-the-day ritual. Finding inner peace through gratitude walks 2. Shadow work When it comes to finding inner peace and calm, our second suggestion is to engage in shadow work. This transformational practice is based on the idea that our feelings and perceptions about ourselves dominate the way we feel and act towards others. The shadow is the “negative you” or “your dark side”. With shadow work, instead of pushing it to the back of your mind or repressing it (as most of us feel tempted to do), you should explore it. This helps you to learn more about your own prejudices and misconceptions. The basic outline of shadow work looks like this: Acknowledge the negative emotions triggered by some people, news or events. Connect with your shadow and establish a conversation with it. What is it trying to achieve? Is its overall intention positive or negative? In most cases, your shadow holds on to negative emotions to protect you from harm. Can you find other ways of achieving the same without getting caught in a negative circle or without blaming others? Last but not least, remember that peace is not a goal that can be reached through certain mediums, but rather peace is the medium itself. In other words, use peace to bring inner peace by showing kindness and consideration towards your body and mind. For example, loving-kindness meditation has been proven to reduce self-criticism, promote peace with ourselves and others, and generate positive feelings towards strangers. .embed-container { position: relative; padding-bottom: 56.25%; height: 0; overflow: hidden; max-width: 100%; } .embed-container iframe, .embed-container object, .embed-container embed { position: absolute; top: 0; left: 0; width: 100%; height: 100%; } Loving kindness meditation for inner peace YouTube/LovingKindnessMeditation 3. Cultivating equanimity Cultivating equanimity can also help you to find inner peace and also peace with the outside world. Equanimity is one of the Four Sublime States in the Buddhist tradition, and the word derives from Sanskrit expression that means “to see without interference”. RELATED: How to Stop Thinking About Something: 9 Strategies Equanimity is also defined as even-mindedness, a balanced reaction to both positive and negative events or thoughts, and the ability to achieve a state of mind that cannot be affected by bias and prejudice, but that's driven by compassion instead. “Finding ways to promote peace requires mindful action. Basically, you’ll need to disarm the inner world first in order to disarm the outer world.” Cultivating equanimity involves re-wiring your brain through conscious practise. Yoga (especially gratitude yoga) provides the ideal conditions to work on this. Find your equanimity mantra (something that reminds you of the need to stay unbiased), start your yoga session, and take note of any negative reactions triggered by thoughts or people you dislike. Keep referring to your equanimity mantra while acknowledging that you are responsible for your own happiness and peace of mind. Finding peace in the outside world Of course, we should all do our best not only to promote inner peace in our minds, but also in the outside world. To do that, you don’t need to make grand gestures. As Buddhist author and peace activist Thich Nhat Hanh said: “Learn the art of making one person happy, and you will learn to express your love for the whole of humanity and all beings.” So, here are 10 easy-to-put-into-action gestures of peace and kindness: Send a heart-felt handwritten card to a friend or relative Compliment a colleague and express how much you appreciate them Offer a small gift (e.g. fruit, biscuits) to the person who delivers your post Donate to a charity shop Volunteering is important. Try it at a shelter or soup kitchen Offer your place in the queue to the person behind you (or try another random act of kindness) Track down an old teacher or lecturer, and send them a note of appreciation Bake some treats and take them to work to share with colleagues Let another driver into your lane Strike up a conversation with a homeless person Meditation can help you to cultivate inner peace shuttertsock/Jack Frog When it comes to finding inner peace and calm in troubled times, it’s important to resist isolation, even if this seems to go against our most basic instincts. For example, you could get involved in community-building initiatives, as this can help establish meaningful conversations with those who hold different views. You can also join non-violence organizations, or learn more about how prejudice and stereotypes affect us by signing up to prejudice reduction workshops or seminars in your local area or online. The takeaway: finding inner peace Finding kindness and peace within yourself and in the world won’t happen overnight, but mindfulness practise, shadow work, cultivating equanimity, and resisting isolation are within the path to hope and joy. To cope with the troubled times we're currently living in, you’ll need to be persistent and willing to challenge your inner self. ● Main image: shutterstock/marvent happiness.com | The fine art of being: learn, practice, share Are you a happiness.com member yet? Sign up for free now to: ■ enjoy our happiness magazine with practical life tips ■ share and support others in our happiness forum Gratitude | | Meditation | Volunteering Written by Dee Marques A social sciences graduate with a keen interest in languages, communication, and personal development strategies. Dee loves exercising, being out in nature, and discovering warm and sunny places where she can escape the winter.

Making connections with like-minded souls isn't easy, but it's not beyond your reach, whatever your age. From always saying 'yes' to volunteering, Dee Marques explores seven ways you can find your tribe and meet the group of friends that have always got your back. Back in 2019, the term loneliness epidemic was making headlines as researchers realised how a pervasive feeling of disconnection affected people of all ages. Since then, the fallout from the pandemic has deepened this feeling of isolation and disconnection for many people. Even if you keep to yourself and aren’t particularly sociable – as is my case – chances are you’ve been left with an unsettling feeling and with the need to find your tribe. But often, this is easier said than done. Why does finding your tribe seem so hard? Finding your tribe may be easier when we’re teenagers or young adults. But as we grow older, our life paths can diverge, friendships fade, and there comes a point where you realise you may no longer have a lot in common with those you used to call your tribe. The overuse of technology these days could also make it harder to find your tribe. On one hand, it may seem that connecting with others is easier, since the internet eliminates geographical barriers. One aim of social media is to bring together like-minded people, so in theory such platforms could be a good place to go and find your tribe. But in practice, studies point to the link between social media use and social anxiety, loneliness and isolation. Indeed, social media and the internet has to be used in the right way when it comes to finding your tribe. It's never too late to find your tribe Having said that, finding your tribe is definitely possible, even if it takes planning and breaking down some common misconceptions. Let's have a deeper look at how to find your tribe and feel connected to others. How to find your tribe: getting started Before you can try to find your tribe, you should know what exactly qualifies as “a tribe”. In anthropology, the term “tribe” is used to define a small group of people who are bound together by strong ties, like speaking a common language, living in the same territory, or sharing political or religious beliefs. Interestingly, note that there’s no mention of hobbies in this technical description, which suggests that real tribes are held together better by deeply held ideals or motivations. Indeed, the glue that keeps tribe members close to each other is made up of more meaningful things, like values or purpose in life. • JOIN US! Sign up today and make new friends at happiness.com • What this means is that the first step towards finding your tribe involves having a clear idea of the things you deeply cherish. In other words, we need to know ourselves before we can find our tribe. This will require some self-work, perhaps even doing some shadow work before connecting with others. Find yourself to find your tribe First of all, it’s important to challenge any assumptions we may have about ourselves and our ability to relate to others. For example, if you think people find you boring, your lack of confidence will show and you’ll most likely appear as a boring person – even if you’re not. So, how comfortable are you being yourself is an important question to ask, before you even ask how you can find your tribe. The second question to ask is: what exactly are you about? What’s your message to the world? We rarely ask these questions because they’re hard to answer and involve a lot of soul searching, but if you’re not 100 per cent sure about what you stand for, it will be difficult to find a tribe that resonates with you. “The first step towards finding your tribe involves having a clear idea of the things you deeply cherish. In other words, we need to know ourselves before we can find our tribe.” Next, you should set aside some time to think about the patterns you follow when you meet a new group of people. Do you try to adapt and fit to the majority, or do you try to impose your views? Both choices can interfere with the creation of genuine connections with others. And lastly, make sure you can give a concise answer to the question “What are you looking for in your tribe?” We often taken for granted that being part of a tribe is all about support and companionship, but these concepts don’t mean the same to everyone. Maybe you’re looking for a tribe that can support you through while you're dealing with a break-up or the loss of a loved one. Or maybe you want to find a group that helps you reach your professional or fitness goals? Seven steps to finding your tribe We’re all slightly different in how we approach and connect with others. So to make sure you have a range of options, here a list of things you can do to make new friends as an adult and find your tribe. 1. Join groups Earlier on I touched upon the isolating effect that social media can have. But that’s not to say that we shouldn’t spend any time online. Social networks and other websites can still be used to make the first connection with groups that could potentially become your tribe: we just need to stop the endless doom scrolling; instead focusing on the ways to better connect with others. So, make a list of groups that resonate with you, research them online, and join them offline too. But don’t just lurk in the shadows – make a conscious effort to introduce yourself, explain why you joined, what you’re looking for, and what type of support you offer too. Try new groups, such as hiking, to meet like-minded souls shutterstock/DisobeyArt 2. Say yes to everything! At first, you may be a bit wary of accepting invitations to meet group members, but you’ll never find your tribe if you hide behind a screen or say no by default. Even if someone suggests an activity that wouldn’t be your first choice, be open to all possibilities and don’t rule anything out. You may be positively surprised with the results. 3. Consider volunteering Psychologists know that acts of kindness usually benefit both giver and receiver. So, if you need deep connections and support, instead of searching for it for yourself, consider offering those things to others who may need them too. RELATED: Understanding the power of friendship Look around and you’ll see there’s no shortage of volunteering opportunities. To find a meaningful area, do some journaling to explore situations that were hard to cope with but you eventually overcame. Have you been abused, bullied, suffered from depression or anxiety? If so, you can use this to help others and find your tribe. These are powerful life experiences you already share, so you’re more likely to be on the same wavelength. 4. Sign up for a new class Exercise, poetry, meditation, creative writing, photography: anything that you’ve been wanting to do for a while could be used to meet like-minded people. There’s always a ring of excitement about learning new things, and this positive mood will probably be shared by others in your class. This type of environment is very conducive to developing new friendships and can be the starting point to finding your tribe. 5. Explore online communities Some special interest websites have realised the importance of community. For example, here at happiness.com we cover various aspects of wellness and self-improvement, but we’re pivoting our site to be more than just a place to find interesting blog posts. Instead, we want to the site to become a central point of connection where you’ll be able to but to find like-spirited people who share your ideals, way of life and priorities. “Sign up to a new class. This type of environment is very conducive to developing new friendships and can be the starting point to finding your tribe.” And, of course, our very own website, happiness.com, is an excellent place to connect with others on a similar wavelength and perhaps find a deeper sense of community. You can create a profile and find new friends based around your interests. Perhaps you're interested in tarot reading, feng shui, philosophy or non-duality, and have struggled to find people that share your passions? Just add your interests to your profile and you can reach out to other members that are into the same thing to start a conversation. What's more, our happiness forums are an intelligent and curious way to share ideas and engage in discussions with people you may want to connect with on a more profound level. You can discover threads on all areas of well-being and modern life, such as conscious living, mental health, sexuality, etc. 6. Avoid being judgmental When we spending a lot of time alone, we tend to get settled into our own ways and it can be harder to accept whatever doesn’t fit into our perceived standards. One of the keys to finding your tribe is trying to stay open-minded and not jumping to conclusions about the people you meet. Indeed, as humans we label people based on stale pre-conceptions and rule them out as “too different” from us. But in reality, we never know the real person until we spend time and share experiences with them. So, don’t be judgmental and give them a chance – it’s only fair. 7. Be realistic A common misconception is that when you find your tribe, you’ll magically and instantly feel a strong connection to them and know that it was meant to be! However, even if there’s a strong affinity, we must remember that relationships are like plants: they need to be cultivated over a period of time to enjoy the beautiful fruits they produce. Along the way, there may be misunderstandings or less-than-perfect experiences. • SIGN UP! Join the caring happiness.com community and make new friends • Connections don’t have to be perfect, but offer meaningful companionship and support. Bear that in mind when reviewing your expectations. How to find your tribe and feel true belonging Don’t feel discouraged if you’ve struggled to connect with like-minded people for a while and don’t know how to find your tribe. If you do some soul searching and are realistic, open-minded and proactive, you can be sure that the doors to genuine connections will open, allowing to feel a true sense of belonging in the world. • Main image: shutterstock/Sabrina Bracher happiness.com | The fine art of being: learn, practise, share Are you a happiness.com member? Join free now and: ■ enjoy our happiness magazine ■ share and support in our happiness forum ■ self-develop with free online Academy classes Deep listening | Trust | Loneliness | Empathy Written by Dee Marques A social sciences graduate with a keen interest in languages, communication, and personal development strategies. Dee loves exercising, being out in nature, and discovering warm and sunny places where she can escape the winter.

Through time many religions have harnessed the power of the moon for its benefit on humanity. Jacqui Paterson explores so-called lunar living – using the influence of the moon to tap back into natural bodily rhythms and bring about positive change. From the dawn of human consciousness, we’ve been enthralled by the moon. Eternally circling the Earth, this celestial body has inspired everything from artwork and songs, to philosophy and the first human space exploration. Calculated to be 4.5 billion years old, the moon is the slightly younger offspring of the Earth. Current belief is that it was formed when a Mars-sized object slammed into our fledging planet, shearing off some of the outer layers and exploding the material outwards. Gravity quickly moulded the debris from both the bodies into a ball, which was then locked in a circling orbit around Earth. There’s no mistaking the symbiotic relationship the moon has with Earth. Bound together by each other’s gravity (ours is stronger, which is why the moon is in our orbit, and not the other way around) the moon even helped make Earth habitable by throwing its gravitational lasso around the planet. This slowed and stabilised its rotation, securing it at just the right tilt to allow the climate conditions that encouraged life to evolve. Indeed, we owe life, as we know it, to the moon. Humanity: the link to the moon We see its influence every single day in the changing of the tides. Although nearly 240,000 miles away, its gravitational pull is powerful enough to lift and drop the waters of our oceans, called the tidal force. In the UK’s Bristol Channel, which has the second-highest tidal range in the world, the difference between low and high tide can be a jaw-dropping 14 metres. The moon and the tide are so intrinsically linked it’s easy to understand why people believe a magical bond exists to this day. It’s a much-repeated fact that up to 60 per cent of the adult human body is made up of water; if the moon can have this much physical impact on the water of our planet, is it feasible it could have an influence on our bodies too? Lunar living: could the moon influence our body? shutterstock/paulista Science hasn’t decisively proven any such link, but there is still much we need to understand, for example – why some studies have indicated human sleep patterns are affected by different lunar phases. Oftentimes, the ‘magic’ of the moon is not tangible: think of the sense of wonder and well-being you feel simply from gazing at the moon at its full, shining finest. The humbling majesty of a supermoon, when the full moon coincides with the satellite being at its closest point to Earth and seems big enough to swallow up the entire night sky. RELATED: Gazing at the stars – replacing your worries with wonder Imagine being born hundreds of years ago, before the scientific know-how of today, and seeing the moon wax and wane over the weeks, sometimes disappearing completely and other times shining so brightly farmers could harvest crops into the night using just its luminescence. “The moon and the tide are so intrinsically linked it’s easy to understand why people believe a magical bond exists to this day.” Moonlight is the subject of countless songs, poems and sonnets, but it’s actually a misnomer, as the moon generates no light at all. The magical luminescence we’ve marvelled at for thousands of years comes partly from the light of distant stars and our own ‘Earthshine’, but mostly it’s the light of the sun reflecting off its surface. As the moon circles around the Earth, it passes between us and the sun. At that point, the half lit by the Sun faces away from us so we can only see the side in total darkness, giving the illusion that there is no moon in the sky – called the new moon. Continuing its elliptical orbit, light begins to reach the visible surface again, revealing the moon in slices – first the crescent, quarter, gibbous (three-quarter), then the full moon as the entire surface is exposed to the illumination of the sun. A growing moon is described as ‘waxing’ and as it moves away and begins to lose its full sheen, it’s called waning. The process then continues, with the shadow now moving across the other side of the moon, going to gibbous, last quarter, crescent, then back to the darkened new moon. The entire process takes an average of 29.5 days. Over the millennia, this perpetual routine has been used mark the passing of time and seasons. It’s been used by many civilisations to herald Pagan and religious ceremonies. It’s also been vitally important for agriculture over the centuries, telling farmers when to hunt, plant and harvest their crops. The word month actually takes its roots from the word Moon and the lunar calendar used by the Romans eventually evolved into the Gregorian calendar we use today. Lunar living: connecting to the moon While we no longer need the moon to tell us what we should be doing and when (we now have smartphones and watches to do that) more and more people are turning back to this pock-marked celestial body to find respite from the demands of modern life. Indeed, moon magic has long been practised in Paganism and different religions over the centuries. In more modern times, these same techniques have been harnessed and honed by people who believe the gravitational tug of the moon directly influences our energy and motivation levels. Many religions celebrate the magical nature of the moon Yoga and meditation teacher and self-titled ‘Moon Mentor’, Kirsty Gallagher, has spent ten years exploring how to harness this ancient influence to tap back into the natural rhythms of your body and bring positive changes to your life. As we all know from personal experience, modern life can be relentless, and somewhere along the way we’ve stopped taking time for ourselves. Many people wear their burnout like a badge of honour, but this can be a damaging way to live – mentally and physically. ‘Tiredness, exhaustion, overwhelm, begrudgingly saying yes, feeling taken advantage of, snapping and losing it when it all gets too much are all sure signs that something is out of alignment and you are in need of some self-care and time out,’ Kirsty writes in her Sunday Times bestselling book, Lunar Living. So, how do we get off the hamster wheel? Look to the moon, Kirsty advises. ‘One of the moon’s biggest teachings is that there is a time to be and a time to do. Even the moon doesn’t shine at her brightest 365 days of the year, showing us that if we don’t take time out to rest, we’ll have no energy, inspiration or motivation when it’s our time to shine!’ In fact, for a few days every month, the moon disappears from view. This is when you should ‘disappear’ too, Kirsty suggests. Not literally, but metaphorically – pressing pause on your regular life to rest and reflect. This could mean taking a day off work to journal and meditate, or even just carving an hour out of your day to unapologetically practise some self-care. “Lunar Living gives you rhyme and reason, rhythm and flow, purpose and permission. It helps you to take back control of your life.” The new moon symbolises wiping the slate clean, recharging and getting ready to renew. It’s a time to turn inwards to listen to your intuition, visualize your dreams and crystallize your thoughts, making it perfect time to figure out a new direction for your life or career, or even address personal issues. Ophira and Tali Edut are US celebrity astrologers, also known as the AstroTwins. Writing for the mindbodygreen website, they advise us to view the new moon as a ‘cosmic reset’, a time to connect to those lunar energies and set new goals. As the moon moves from crescent to quarter, and light returns, we begin to see life more brightly and clearly, the pair explains. Use this time to research ideas and start building momentum for a new project or goal. Spot obstacles and find ways to clear them. Over the weeks, the moon acts like a celestial alarm clock, keeping you on track and reminding you to keep moving forward. And by the time of the full moon, your thoughts should be as bright and clear as the night skies; now is the time to assess exactly where you are and make decisions. What is working and what is not? Do you plough forward, or change direction? As the light begins to wane again, this is time to cross that finish line and ‘harvest’ the rewards of those projects started nearly a month before. The final days are used to tie up loose ends and also sit for a while in that sense of achievement. When the moon silently slips back into the shadows, once again it’s time again for meditation, visualization and introspection. Synching yourself with moon phases may be an ancient concept, but its arguably more relevant to modern life than ever. As Kirsty writes: ‘Lunar Living gives you rhyme and reason, rhythm and flow, purpose and permission. It helps you to take back control of your life.’ • Main image: shutterstock/IgorZh happiness.com | The fine art of being: learn, practise, share Are you a happiness.com member? Sign up for free now to enjoy: ■ our happiness magazine with practical life tips ■ share and support others in our happiness forum ■ self-develop with free online classes in our happiness Academy Nature | Astrology | Spirituality Written by Jacqui Paterson Jacqui has been a true-life and travel journalist for over 25 years and has travelled all over the world telling people's stories. Originally from New Zealand, she's now based in the UK, where she also wrangles two pre-teen daughters, and runs her lifestyle blog, Jacqui Paterson.com

By changing perspective to look at an apparently negative situation in a different way, we can imagine a more positive story – one that's more likely to lead to greater happiness. Ed Gould examines how gaining perspective also offers up a chance to consider others, too. It's part of human nature to think about oneself and to focus on what's going on around us, but this one-dimensional perspective can lead to a false sense of priorities. How do we break out from a parochial view of our lives and start to see things as they really are? By changing perspective, we can gain greater insights and gain deeper happiness. Changing perspective is a healthy exercise if we want to be empathetic, rational and more compassionate. However, changing perspective is not merely about seeing things from the point of view of another. It's just as much about gaining perspective. In other words, our sense of compassion for others need not be the driver for looking for an alternative angle on things. It can help us escape the happiness trap and develop a higher level of understanding, too. In fact, simply seeing things another way is good for us not only because it means getting out of a mental rut, but because of what we might be missing out on. Changing and gaining perspective: a classical illustration The famous Greek philosopher Plato once taught his pupils by coming up with an allegory of a cave. The prisoners in his cave cannot see reality, merely a shadow of it because they are in chains. All they need to gain a higher level of comprehension is to see what is causing the shadows to form – to see things as they really are. In the allegory, this would mean that the cave dwellers would need to break free from their chains. In a sense, altering our perspective on things means breaking free from mental chains. Happy help: change perspective and your mood, too! To extend Plato's metaphor in this manner is fair because a change of perspective takes effort. Most of us are happy enough to keep moving on in our lives the way we always have – especially if we feel a degree of happiness in our current situation. Nevertheless, unless the mental effort is made, we'll never know what lies beyond the cave or what is causing the shadows to fall against its wall. As such, changing and gaining perspective can be seen as the same thing. Changing your perspective: the benefits However, to get a handle on the advantages of a change of perspective, there's no need to go back to ancient Greece. There are plenty of illustrations from more modern times. The author and thinker Benjamin Grant cites just one such example. • JOIN US! Learn more about human connection and psychology • During the Apollo missions, when NASA was working towards putting a man on the moon, the astronaut Bill Anders took one of the most iconic images ever to have been captured by a camera. During the Apollo 8 mission of 1968, the spacecraft orbited the moon several times. As the ship passed by the moon's horizon, he was the first man to see the Earth rise from the moon's perspective. His world famous 'Earthrise' shot, according to Grant, is so iconic because it shows humanity from a different viewpoint. .embed-container { position: relative; padding-bottom: 56.25%; height: 0; overflow: hidden; max-width: 100%; } .embed-container iframe, .embed-container object, .embed-container embed { position: absolute; top: 0; left: 0; width: 100%; height: 100%; } It should be said that this new perspective is no mere novelty which only looks pretty – although the image is beautiful. The point of view it offers is mind altering. That is its message, its benefit, if you will. The 'Earthrise' photograph captures all of humanity, bar the astronauts on the mission, and shows something that feels so anchored and permanent – our planet – spinning in the lonely vastness of space. “Changing perspective is a healthy exercise if we want to be empathetic, rational and compassionate.” If you think that such an image is mind-altering from Earth, then consider just how many astronauts have returned from space missions with a new perspective on life and humanity. This, Grant says, is the so-called 'overview effect', which is a consequence of space travel. It can cause profound changes in our brains. Grant has harnessed the 'overview effect' in his work. A creator of images, he takes some of the most stunning photographs captured by satellites above Earth and uses them to create pictures that are designed to alter minds back on the planet. A change of perspective: fruit orchards in Huelva, Spain © Benjamin Grant Whether his images are of the tulip fields of the Netherlands, fruit orchards in Spain or refugee camps in northern Kenya, he is exposing us to the truth, but not as we know it. The colours, the scale and the perspective – everything is shot from above, as you would expect – and gives us a view of the world we might know, but also knowingly ignore. His images offer us the chance to gain insights into the fragility of ecosystems, the plight of fellow humans and, yes, to simply marvel at the beauty of the planet. RELATED: When Life Gives You Lemons, Try Lemonading! If you're looking for up-sides of gaining a new perspective, then as a way to increase happiness levels, it's right up there. If your focus is on something that you perceive to be negative in your life and you come at it from a different angle, then you can feel better about it. What's more, you might even find that it helps you to perform better as a result. This approach is called reframing and is just one way in which you can derive benefits from gaining new perspectives. Let's look at some more techniques that will allow you to feel more confident, less self-critical and to enjoy more happiness. Perspective and point of view: how to change yours For many, altering perspective means becoming less self-centred and moving to a more compassionate understanding of others and the world around us. By stepping outside of our usual perspectives, it can become possible to frame arguments in ways that motivate others instead of leaving them feeling rejected, for example. Seeing things as 'bad' without taking a fresh view can mean that we get set into a closed loop of negativity. Bright future: change your view and change your life For instance, a relationship breakdown can sometimes lead to negative feelings about one's self-worth. However, a changed perspective might be that becoming single is the start of something new. As a result of reframing your view, you might even gain a higher perspective of yourself, embracing the part of yourself which might not have felt room for self-expression within the relationship. In fact, academics have done plenty of research into the techniques that will allow us to see things in a new light. Here's a look at four of the ways you can change and gain perspective. 1. Reframing your past As previously mentioned, reframing your point of view can lead to tremendously helpful results and renewed chances of happiness. This is particularly effective if you reframe the way in which you see your past. For example, you might say that certain negative outcomes are always bound to happen because of 'the way you are'. You might have been told that you are impulsive or even hot-headed by others and believe this of yourself. “If your focus is on something that you perceive to be negative in your life and you come at it from a different angle, then you can feel better about it.” However, studies have shown that reframing a negative attribute from your past as a positive one can heighten your performance. Try relabelling your so-called impulsive past as creative, for example, and see how the new perspective can impact on your present. 2. A change of perspective: problem solving Expressing ourselves is optimistic – in other words, positive, complimentary and generous – and we will naturally develop higher levels of self-esteem and a healthier self-image. By getting into the habit of being positive, we can deal with criticism and setbacks much better. Not only does this altered perspective mean that we are better set against potential adversity, but our ability to problem-solve also becomes more efficient. In her book, Putting the Positive Thinker to Work, Potter outlines how reframing perspectives can augment levels of commitment, especially at work, and lead to greater persistence with tasks. This, she argues, is the foundation for most success in the workplace. Another viewpoint: change perspective, retell your story 3. Compassion and understanding By gaining new perspectives, we can become more compassionate to others. It's important not to fall back into bad habits of negative thinking, however. A daily ritual of positive affirmation of yourself and those around you can help to keep your understanding of the world fixed in a better perspective than it otherwise might be. • BE INSPIRED! Join our compassion and curious community • Indeed, so-called 'silver lining thinking' will help you to see the good in events and to reframe problems as challenges. If you can consciously interrupt negative thoughts that might pop into your head, then this will help you to remain the compassionate person you want to be. 4. Seeing the bigger picture Finally, seeing the bigger picture means sometimes taking a step back and creating time to gain the sort of perspective you'll need for your happiness and compassion. From an astronaut's point of view, seeing the bigger picture comes from literally taking in a macro view of the world. However, we can do this for ourselves, too. Take time to clear your mind, listen to the wind in the trees and rush a little less. Ask yourself what truly counts in your life and, of course, the benefits of meditation can help you to gain insights into what's most important. By changing your perspective on your life you can change the course of it and find greater joy. ● Main image: Benjamin Grant happiness.com | The fine art of being: learn, practice, share Are you a happiness.com member yet? Sign up for free now to: ■ enjoy our happiness magazine ■ share and support in our happiness forum ■ self-develop with free online Academy classes Keys to Happiness | Gratitude | Work life balance | Quality time Written by Ed Gould Ed Gould is a UK-based journalist and freelance writer. He's also a practitioner of Reiki.