Managing Divorce

How to manage a divorce

Divorce is the dissolution of a marriage or a civil partnership that will often follow the breakdown of a relationship. As opposed to separation, divorcing someone means severing all of the legal ties that bound you together with your spouse. Managing divorce is never easy because it is a time that will be tied up with financial considerations, high emotions, childcare issues and the break up of often intimate or sentimental belongings. Of course, some divorces are acrimonious, which is understandable given the many aspects of managing divorces. Still, it is usually better to seek some common ground, if possible, so that the worst parts of the experience are avoided. Managing divorce will often require the services of a professional, such as a lawyer. However, you can keep the fees low if you are able to agree at least some of the terms of your divorce with your former partner without recourse to legal arguments for everything.

Managing divorce can often involve managing debt, too. This is because your income may drop as a result of money being withheld by your spouse. It could mean you require temporary accommodation while your finances are finalised by a judge. Maybe you need to give up work temporarily while focussing on childcare needs? If so, then seek advice on debt management so that your finances don't spiral out of control. Many charitable institutions provide debt advice free of charge, and this can help you to minimise the amount of debt you face. Always engage with creditors even if you cannot pay them back immediately since this can put off further action being taken by them.

A friend who can offer you a sounding board for your emotions can be invaluable when managing divorce well. If you can offload some of the emotions you will inevitably feel on them – and not on your children, for example – then you will be able to keep yourself feeling more positive. Getting angry is understandable, especially if you feel like your former partner is treating you unfairly. However, it is always best to remain calm in the presence of professionals and your former spouse so that you can focus on the important parts of the divorce settlement. Equally, feeling vindictive is also understandable but best avoided.

Some people who go through a divorce can feel a huge sense of loss akin to a bereavement. Anxiety and depression are not unheard of afterwards. However, managing divorce processes well will mean you are less likely to suffer in the same way in the immediate aftermath. No matter how hard it might be, try to remain positive throughout the process.

Avoid bad-mouthing your partner during a divorce. Be as generous as you can when sharing access rights to them. Your children may resent you if you try to cut off access to their other parent or even step-parents they know and love. Try to explain that they are loved, and the divorce is about the adults concerned only and not them or anything they might have done.