What are the 5 Neurodivergent Love Languages?

Neurodivergent individuals express and receive affection differently to the majority. So, from info dumping to parallel play, discover the five distinct neurodivergent love languages and learn how to effectively express affection to those with neurodiversity. By Dee Marques.

When it comes to love, we all have a unique way to express it and experience it. The concept of love languages – our preferred way to show and receive love – can help improve the quality of our relationships.

But what about those who think and feel differently, such as neurodivergent individuals? After all, if neurodivergence can shape how someone interacts with the world, it can also influence how they express and receive love.

Before exploring the unique love languages of neurodivergent people, let’s revisit the original concept of love languages. This was introduced by Dr. Gary Chapman in his book The 5 Love Languages: The Secret to Love That Lasts.

According to Chapman, the five standard love languages are:

• Words of affirmation Expressing affection through spoken or written words such as compliments, encouragement, or written reminders of appreciation.
• Acts of service Showing love by doing helpful things, whether they’re small gestures like making a cup of coffee, or practical actions like running errands or helping with chores.
• Gifts Demonstrating love with tangible tokens of affection (big or small).
• Quality time Spending time together without distractions, focusing on creating shared moments that strengthen the connection.
• Physical touch Showing care through touch, like hugging, holding hands, or kissing.

Neurodivergence refers to differences in how the brain works, which may affect the way a person thinks, learns, and communicates. It encompasses conditions like autism, ADHD, dyslexia, and others. What's more, neurodiversity is more common than you may think; in the UK, approximately 15% of people are estimated to be neurodivergent, while in the USA, the figure is around 20%.


Deep pressure AKA Please Crush My Soul Back Into My Body

Standard love languages don’t always align with how neurodivergent individuals express and experience affection. So, let's look at neurodivergent love languages and some tips on how to create opportunities for deeper understanding and connection in your relationships.

Neurodivergent Love Languages Explained

Neurodivergent love languages expand on the original concept to reflect the unique needs and expressions of individuals who experience the world differently. These languages recognise the sensory preferences, emotional processing, and communication styles that are more common and natural among neurodivergent people.

RELATED: Mindful Listening – 6 Ways to Improve Conversational Skills

Neurodivergent love languages don’t replace the original five, but rather offer a complementary framework to understand the diversity of human experiences like love. They do so by drawing attention to non-neurotypical emotional bids, the gestures and behaviours that “put up a call” for attention and connection. Understanding how neurodivergent people bid can help us respond in a way that’s meaningful for them.
 

The 5 Neurodivergent Love Languages

The five neurodivergent love languages are: info-dumping, parallel play, support swapping, Deep Pressure AKA Please Crush My Soul Back Into My Body, and Penguin Pebbling. Let’s look in detail at the five specific neurodivergent or ADHD love languages:
 

1. Info Dumping

First in this list of neurodivergent love languages is info dumping, which involves passionately talking about a favourite topic, sometimes in great detail. For neurodivergent individuals, sharing their “spins” or special interests can be a profound way to connect, since sharing interests invites the listener into the speaker’s inner world, fostering connection.
 

“Neurodivergent love languages recognise the sensory preferences, emotional processing, and communication styles that are more common and natural among neurodivergent people.”

Info dumping is especially meaningful for non-neurotypical people, since their interests can be incredibly specific or obscure. Because of this, sometimes they assume that others will not be interested and they keep it to themselves, so sharing is a sign of trust.

2. Parallel Play

Also known as body doubling or being alone together, parallel play in adults means spending time together doing separate activities side by side. Examples of parallel play in adults include reading different books in the same couch or one partner doing sudoku while the other knits.

Neurodivergent individuals often value presence over direct interaction. Don’t assume that lack of conversation equals disconnection: parallel play in adults removes the pressure of constant communication that can be overwhelming to neurodivergent people. Sharing silence is still sharing a meaningful moment, not to mention that being the body double serves as a physical anchor to a neurodivergent partner.

Parallel Play is one of the ADHD love languages

3. Support Swapping

Support swapping is about offering practical help, focusing on specific needs related to sensory or emotional regulation. Examples include offering to handle overwhelming tasks, like making phone calls or paying bills.

Support swapping is related to spoon theory, which claims that neurodivergent people have limited or inconsistent energy reserves (aka spoons) available to get through the day. When running low on “spoons”, getting practical support can mean a lot to a neurodivergent person, as it demonstrates understanding of their unique challenges and willingness to ease their burdens.

4. Deep Pressure/Please Crush My Soul Back Into My Body

Deep pressure, the fourth of the ADHD love languages, recognises the needs of those with different sensory profiles. This type of stimulation provides a sense of calm and emotional connection, since some non-neurotypical people intentionally seek strong sensory input, like heavy blankets or tight hugs.

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Deep pressure is also known as Please Crush My Soul Back Into My Body. A firm and prolonged hug during a stressful moment can make your partner feel grounded, centred, and held. This helps regulate their nervous system, offering both physical and emotional comfort.

5. Penguin Pebbling

Penguin pebbling, inspired by the behaviour of penguins offering pebbles to their mates, expresses love through small and thoughtful gestures. For neurodivergent individuals, these acts of kindness can carry significant emotional weight, offering a subtle but powerful way to express affection without needing overwhelming emotional displays.

Pebbling demonstrates care through intentional everyday actions that are meaningful to the recipient. It can be as simple as sharing a favourite meme, making a cup of herbal tea, sending a comforting playlist, or leaving a loving handwritten note.

Finding your Neurodivergent Love Language

Understanding your and your partner’s love languages can help build better relationships. If you or your loved one are neurodivergent, it can be helpful to explore which expressions of affection resonate better. You can do this by asking yourselves questions such as:

• What makes me feel most appreciated in a relationship?
• What comes easy or naturally to me when it comes to showing love to others?
• When I’m feeling overwhelmed or stressed, what kind of support do I find most comforting?
• Are there sensory preferences that shape how I express or receive affection?
• Are there specific actions that irritate or alienate me, even if intended to show love?
• What actions or behaviours from others make me feel safe and understood?
   

Nurturing Neurodivergent Relationships

Building strong relationships with neurodivergent individuals requires empathy, adaptability, and open communication. Challenges like sensory differences, different communication styles, or different ways of handling and expressing emotional intimacy can arise and cause frustration to both parties.
 

“Neurodivergent individuals often value presence over direct interaction. Don’t assume that lack of conversation equals disconnection: parallel play in adults removes the pressure of constant communication.”

But there are practical things that can help nurture these relationships and minimise misunderstandings. Part of it involves learning to speak the same love language, as well as keeping in mind the following tips:

• Practice active listening Pay attention to verbal and non-verbal cues to understand preferences and boundaries when expressing affection.
• Be patient Give your partner time to process emotions and thoughts, especially during high-stress situations.
• Communicate clearly Use direct language to minimise misinterpretation, especially when discussing complex or emotional topics, and avoid assuming or mind-reading.
• Respect sensory needs Be mindful of sensory sensitivities and try to create environments that feel safe and comfortable.
• Celebrate differences Don’t forget to reflect on the uniqueness and strengths that neurodivergence brings to a relationship, and create spaces to celebrate it.
   

Takeaway: Neurodivergent Love Languages

Love languages can help us build and nurture more satisfying relationships, and neurodivergent love languages take this a step further by recognising the diverse ways in which people connect. Expressions of affection like info dumping, parallel play, support swapping, deep pressure, and penguin pebbling, highlight the beauty of individuality in relationships.

By embracing neurodivergent love languages, you can foster deeper connections and do your part to create a world where love is as diverse as the people who experience it. ●

Images: shutterstock/Srdjan Randjelovic, shutterstock/PeopleImages.com - Yuri A

Written by Dee Marques

A social sciences graduate with a keen interest in languages, communication, and personal development strategies. Dee loves exercising, being out in nature, and discovering warm and sunny places where she can escape the winter.