Learning how to talk to a parent with dementia takes both resilience and time. Dee Marques shares eight key strategies to help you deal with the communication process more easily.
Dementia is an incredibly cruel syndrome, and is equally hard for both the person affected by the disease and their carers. The term dementia covers a broad range of brain diseases – such as Alzheimer's – that can lead to a long-term and gradual decrease in a person's ability to think and remember things. Other symptoms include emotional problems, decreased motivation and language difficulties. Indeed, when it comes to knowing how to talk to a parent with dementia, it can be both frustrating and painful.
Unfortunately, global dementia diagnoses are on the rise. According to Alzheimer’s Disease International, there’s a new dementia case diagnosed approximately every three seconds. Furthermore, the organisation estimates that the number of people affected by dementia is likely to double by the year 2050. This comes at a tremendous economic and personal cost, potentially affecting millions of families.
RELATED: Cognitive impairment – 5 key ways to reduce the risk
Dealing with dementia is particularly hard when your parents are involved. Dementia symptoms put an enormous strain on the parent-child relationship, and can wreak havoc in the happiness of your family life. Unlike other serious diseases where the ability to talk and feel close to the person affected remains untouched, dementia takes away the chances of sharing, communicating and being together in a meaningful way. 
Maintain eye contact when talking to a parent with dementia shutterstock/Photographee.eu
Learning how to deal with talking to a parent with dementia takes time and resilience, but it can be done. Here are eight suggestions on how to improve communication with parents affected by this difficult condition.
How to talk to a parent with dementia: 8 top tips
Being able to communicate with others is essential for every human being. Evolutionary psychologists say that the development of spoken communication played a key role in the success and survival of our species. So, since this is something deeply ingrained in us, it’s normal to feel that something important has been taken away when communication breaks down.
“Learning how to talk to a parent with dementia takes time and resilience, but it can be done.”
If you’re dealing with dementia in your household and feel lost, remember that we’re not born knowing how to talk to a parent with dementia. But that doesn’t mean there’s nothing we can do about it: talking to a parent with dementia doesn’t get easier, but there are certain skills and strategies that can improve communication.
1. Eliminate distractions
When talking to a parent with dementia, do your best to get their full attention. People affected by dementia are easily distracted by background noise, people coming and going, etc. Moreover, moving objects can not only take their attention away but can also cause agitation. Turn off any devices – radio, TV, music – and move to a quieter place. Avoid sudden movements or changes in your tone of voice.
2. Keep it simple
Keep conversations around one idea only to make things easier to process for your parent. If you need to repeat yourself, stick to the same wording. Studies on how to talk to a parent with dementia suggest you use one verb per sentence and ask yes/no questions whenever possible. Otherwise, as this nurse says, “it becomes very hard for them to follow a complex conversation”.
3. Non-verbal communication
When talking to a parent living with dementia, one of the most important things to remember is that communication doesn’t only depend on spoken language. In fat, people with dementia are receptive to other ways of communicating, such as body language, facial expressions, tone of voice, and physical contact. However, they are still sensitive to non-verbal communication, so make sure you’re not “contributing to the situation by telegraphing your anger, resentment, and frustration through your body language”.
Consider physical contact when talking to a parent with dementia
4. Be specific
One of the most common signs of dementia is the inability to remember the names of people and places. Make it easier for a parent with dementia and always spell out the name of the people or places you talk about, instead of using vague words that may confuse them (he, she, here or there). Also, depending on the level of their dementia, consider using your parent’s name and start the conversation telling them your name and who you are.
5. Anticipate
Watch out for gestures that could come across as intimidating or threatening. Avoid talking with a parent with dementia from a position where they can’t see you. Make sure lighting is good enough so that your face isn’t obscured. It’s always a good idea to position yourself at their eye level, sitting in front or next to them (but not too close) and maintaining good eye contact throughout the conversation.
“Talking to a parent with dementia doesn’t get easier, but there are certain skills and strategies that can improve communication.”
6. Give them time
It takes longer for a person with dementia to process information, so speak at a slower pace than normal and pause between sentences. Another important aspect of how to talk to a parent with dementia is to give them plenty of time to respond without showing impatience.
7. Use visual cues
Visual cues can help when figuring out how to talk to a parent with dementia, as they simplify the decision-making process. For example, instead of asking which coat they want to wear or what they’d like to eat, show them the options. It’s also important to limit the choices to avoid your parent becoming overwhelmed. As the Mayo Clinic staff recommends, "simplify the decisions you expect him or her to make”.
8. Try again later
Knowing what to do when things get tough is one of the challenges when learning how to talk to a parent with dementia. If your parent is struggling to communicate, it’s best to pause and try again in 20-30 minutes, instead of insisting or creating confrontation.
Talking to a parent with dementia: what not to say
Knowing what not to say to a parent with dementia is just as important as knowing what to say. Avoid saying these things at all cost, however frustrated you may get:
- “I’ve just told you that” or “you've already said that”.
- “You’re wrong” or anything that challenges them.
- “(someone) is dead”.
- “You can’t do that” or anything that questions their abilities.
- “Do you know who I am?” or “do you remember X”?
- “What did you do today?” or any question that requires a long-winded or detailed account.
Sentences that may look harmless to us may take on a different meaning and could cause negative reactions when talking to a parent with dementia.
Conclusions
Communicating with a parent who has dementia is often stressful and heartbreaking, but it can be as frustrating for the parent as it is for you. Sometimes, you may feel out of depth figuring how to talk to a parent with dementia, but it’s still possible to find moments of joy and happiness.
The main points to remember are avoiding confrontation and distraction, making conversation easier by keeping things short and simple, and supporting what you say with visual cues and positive body language. Patience and empathy are key when talking to a parent with dementia. And remember: you’re not alone in dealing with this. ●
Looking for advice or support from other happiness.com members around dealing with dementia in a parent? Search our forum to look for a discussion, and if there isn't one, take the first step and start one.
Main image: shutterstock/Monkey Business Images
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Written by Dee Marques
A social sciences graduate with a keen interest in languages, communication, and personal development strategies. Dee loves exercising, being out in nature, and discovering warm and sunny places where she can escape the winter.
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