Happiness.com
Wieder da! Registrieren
RELATIONSHIPS

The 5 love languages and how they affect relationships

If you're having communication issues with your partner, it might just be that you're not speaking the same 'love language'. Arlo Laibowitz explains exactly what the five Love Languages are and how you can use them to help your relationship. 

 
What makes a happy life? According to the famed Harvard study on happiness, the answer is relationships and love. But what happens when we, or our partners, seem to express our love in different ways, with sadness or conflict as a consequence? Author Gary Chapman wrote about this matter and presented the Five Love Languages.

 

What are the five Love Languages?

The premise behind the five Love Languages is that people express love, and feel loved, in different ways. Most people have one clear primary and one clear secondary love language. Chapman argues that people feel loved when their partner express love in the language that is natural to the recipient. 


One could argue that their partner’s love language doesn’t come naturally to them, so they are unable to give their partner what they need. Chapman’s view is clear: find a way. If you don't speak your partner's love language, your message of love will not be heard.

 

The five love languages are:

  • Words of Affirmation
  • Quality Time
  • Receiving Gifts
  • Acts of Service
  • Physical Touch
     

How do we apply them in our relationships?

Words of affirmation are:

 

  • Verbal compliments and appreciation.
  • Words of comfort and encouragement.
  • And words that inspire kindness, humility, and generosity.
     
Quality time is a time that consists of:

 

  • Focused attention.
  • Quality conversation.
  • And quality activities.

 

Receiving/giving gifts implies that the gifts are:

 

  • meaningful
  • useful
  • relevant
  • and appropriate for different occasions.
     
An act of service deals with:

 

  • the smaller and bigger chores that we can do to make our partner’s lives easier or more comfortable.
     
Physical touch deals with a physical intimacy that isn’t sexual:
  • embrace
  • hugs
  • and kisses.

WHAT ARE: The 5 Love Languages - happiness.org


How to identify the love languages?

Chapman proposes that we can identify our partner’s love languages out of the five, and also our own, by:

 

  1. Looking at how your partner most often expresses love to you and others.
  2. Being mindful of what your partner complains about most often; what do they lack in your relationship?
  3. Being attentive to what your partner asks for most often.
     
We can transform our relationships by being aware of our partner’s, and our own love language. Examine the five love languages above and consider which are significant in your relationship. Instead of losing acts and words of love in translation between different languages, we can express our love in a mutually satisfactory way. And that, as the Harvard study shows, makes us happy. ●
 

 

happiness.com | The fine art of being: learn, practise, share

 Are you a happiness.com member yet? Sign up for free now to:

■ enjoy our happiness magazine with practical life tips
■ share and support others in our happiness forum
■ learn with free online classes in our happiness Academy

Relationship advice | Communication skills | Trust

 

 

Written by Arlo Laibowitz

arlo.jpgArlo is a filmmaker, artist, lecturer, and intermittent practitioner of metta meditation and morning yoga. When not dreaming about impossible projects and making them happen in the most impractical ways possible, he journals, listens to jazz, or cuddles with his better half.

CONNECT_568X60_EN.gif

YOU MAY ALSO LIKE

RELATIONSHIPS
1 comment

How to talk to a parent with dementia: 8 tips to improve communication

Learning how to talk to a parent with dementia takes both resilience and time. Dee Marques shares eight key strategies to help you deal with the
RELATIONSHIPS
4 comments

Mindful listening: 6 ways to improve conversational skills

If you struggle to give your full attention to others when in conversation, mindful listening can help you improve your conversation skills. Dee
RELATIONSHIPS
0 comments

The importance of community: 7 key benefits

Humans aren't meant to be alone all the time: connecting as part of a meaningful community is important for our mental well-being. Dee Marques
RELATIONSHIPS
10 comments

No friends? Here’s how to make new ones as an adult

Making new friends as an adult isn't as difficult as it seems. So, if you've ever thought 'I have no friends', these six tips from Ed Gould will

4 comments

Join the conversation

You are posting as a guest. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.

0b****
Add a comment...

×   Pasted as rich text.   Paste as plain text instead

  Only 75 emoji are allowed.

×   Your link has been automatically embedded.   Display as a link instead

×   Your previous content has been restored.   Clear editor

×   You cannot paste images directly. Upload or insert images from URL.

×


sm****

sm**** 0

Posted

Hi Arlo Leibowitz
Thank you so much for share these love language tips. Quality time spent is really important. Every blog talk about this point.

Share this comment

Link to comment
Share on other sites
Li****

Li**** 850

Posted

I feel like I've seen content about the five love all over recently, and I find it so interesting! I definitely think it's a great thing to figure out about yourself and your partner. If your love languages don't 'match' you might need to communicate that you need words of affirmation to feel loved, while your partner could be on a completely different page.

I also think you could have one love language for what you want to receive from your partner to feel love from them, and another love language that you use to express your love for them - if that makes sense. 

 

I 100% agree that the five love languages can be applied to relationships that are non-romantic too - knowing a family member or close friend's love language might teach you what they need or appreciate from you. 

Share this comment

Link to comment
Share on other sites
Candy

Candy 706

Posted

Interesting! I love that this isn't only valid in romantic relationships, but ALL relationships. I wanted to learn more about the 5 love languages, so I did a quick search and found this website where you can do a quiz to find out your love language.

My love language is Quality Time, according to the quiz. I do believe, however, that these 5 love languages can change depending on the relationship and its dynamics. For example, my current needs might reflect that I want quality time, but in a few moments, days, months, that could change to something else. At least that's how I perceive it for myself.

I've also just realised that what I think is doing/saying something nice for someone might not necessarily be perceived in that way by them.

Share this comment

Link to comment
Share on other sites
0d****

0d****

Posted

This is such a cute little movie. I am more of a reader usually, but in this case, the animated film explaining the five love languages worked for me. 
It also helps me see how differently we all perceive the world, and that doing something that looks great from my perspective might not be received the same way. There's no bad intention behind it just a lack of understanding that can easily be fixed.

Share this comment

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Similar articles

HEALTH & BODY
0 comments

5Rhythms as a movement meditation practice

When we think of meditation, we often think of sitting still in the lotus position. However, meditation can involve moving your body too, and
INSPIRATION & SPIRITUALITY
0 comments

How writing and teaching BDSM brought me balance

After struggling with a divorce and orgasming, Kayla Lords went from writing about her sexual fantasies to teaching BDSM to others. Here's how she
RELATIONSHIPS
0 comments

How BDSM submission brought me inner happiness

Finding happiness isn't always as simple as opening a box labeled joy. Some people find it in the most unexpected places, like BDSM submission.
PERSONAL GROWTH
0 comments

A brief history of the School of Life

Have you heard of The School of Life? It's an organization set up by experts in their field dedicated to improving lives, especially when it comes

Forum discussions

Happiness.com » Magazine » RELATIONSHIPS » The 5 love languages and how they affect relationships