How to Deal With Disappointment: 8 Top Tips

Setbacks and disappointments in life are inevitable but it's possible to overcome them. It's essential to not let such obstacles impact on our confidence or make us resentful. Learn how to deal with disappointment effectively with these 8 tips from Dee Marques.

I still remember the sinking feeling in my stomach when I read the first sentence of that email: “We regret to inform you that…”. It hit me hard. I'd spent weeks preparing for the interview for my dream job, planning a getaway to celebrate my new role, imagining myself at the fancy office – only to be rejected.

And then there are the smaller, everyday letdowns that seem to come all at once: dates that get cancelled last minute, products or services that don’t live up to the hype, a recipe that doesn’t turn out right, etc.

Disappointment comes in many forms and is an inevitable part of life. We all face it, whether in relationships, at work, or within ourselves. But despite how common it is, disappointment can still feel deeply personal and overwhelming. And since we all experience it sooner or later, learning how to deal with disappointment is essential, so we can limit its impact on our well-being and confidence.

Let's look in detail at this common emotion and explore practical ways of dealing with disappointment in different aspects of life.
 

What’s the meaning of disappointment?

We usually feel disappointed whenever our expectations or hopes are not met. When we anticipate a positive outcome, our brain releases large amounts of dopamine, the “happy hormone”, but dopamine levels drop to zero when things don’t work out as expected.

Setbacks at work are common: try to reframe disappointment

Not only that, but scientists have noticed that disappointment activates the brain’s pain centres, so this can be quite a complex emotion that triggers secondary emotions like sadness, hurt, betrayal, frustration, inadequacy, grief, or anger, so sometimes it can be difficult to tell what it is exactly that we’re feeling.

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Although disappointment is a normal emotion, letting it fester inside you can breed resentment against yourself, other people, or life itself, which can create a lot of physical and mental tension, being linked to anxiety and stress.
 

Overcoming disappointment: early experiences matter

We’re all let down at some point in life, but we handle it differently. This is because our early experiences shape our strategies for dealing with disappointment.

For example, children who have their emotions dismissed or minimised by adults as they face disappointment are more likely to develop maladaptive coping mechanisms, such as avoidance or shame. And if a child is told to “be tough” when they’re let down, they might not allow themselves to admit they’re disappointed later in life, since they’ll see it as a form of weakness.
 

“Since we all experience it, learning how to deal with disappointment is essential, so we can limit its impact on our well-being and confidence.”

Similarly, children who are scolded when they suffer a setback can develop the belief that failure will make them unlovable, and may start to underachieve to avoid potential failure. However, some will do the opposite, becoming perfectionists to prevent any chance of disappointment (impossible!).

 

Dealing with disappointment: 8 tips to try today

Here’s the interesting thing: if the way we react to disappointment is learned, this means we can always learn a new way to handle it. So let’s look at some suggestions on how to deal with disappointment.

 

How to deal with disappointment in relationships and friendships

Friends and romantic partners often let us down. Here's how to handle it:
 

1. Manage expectations

No human being is perfect, so no relationship is perfect either. In fact, researchers estimate that 70% of the problems couples experience can’t be “solved”. Interpersonal relationships move along a continuum of harmony and disharmony, convergence and divergence. Acknowledging our differences is the basis for more genuine relationships and can also help us learn about our partner’s or friends’ needs and internal mechanisms.
 

2. Open communication

If a friend or partner has let you down, don’t fall into the avoidance trap. Express your feelings without blaming them, and instead explain that your intention is simply to understand them better and strengthen the relationship.

 

3. Set boundaries

Accepting disappointment as a fact of life doesn’t mean you should compromise at all costs and in all circumstances. If someone consistently disappoints you or lets you down, consider redefining the relationship to align with your needs and set clear boundaries to protect your emotional well-being.

Setting boundaries can help overcome disappointment from others

 

Dealing with disappointment at work

Failed to get that promotion or rise? Coworker constantly stealing your light? Here are some suggestions for handling work disappointments.
 

4. Reframe setbacks

Author Brad Warner says that “disappointment is just the action of your brain readjusting itself to reality after discovering things are not the way you thought they were”. Next time you’re let down at work, support your brain in this readjustment or recalibration by changing your narrative about what happened.

 

“Accepting disappointment as a fact of life doesn’t mean you should compromise at all costs. If someone consistently disappoints you or lets you down, set boundaries.”

For example, if you didn’t get promoted this time, instead of thinking “all my efforts were for nothing, maybe I'm just not good enough for this company”, try: “this doesn’t invalidate my work. I’ll try to understand better what the company values are and focus on what I can do next to keep advancing”.

 

5. Don’t linger on the “what-ifs”

Avoid blaming yourself, ruminating, or dwelling on what-if scenarios, as this can only lead to feelings of inadequacy. Instead, acknowledge that you did your best and that is something to be proud of. You never want to get to the point of thinking 'why do I hate my life?'.
 

6. Distract yourself

Avoid placing all your self-worth or sense of identity on a single career goal. Instead, after a disappointment, find ways to distract yourself with things that bring you joy outside of work.
 

Overcoming disappointment in daily life

Life is full of joy but also regular disappointments! Acceptance is key to dealing with the situation. 
 

7. Sit with disappointment mindfully

Deep breathing exercises, a mindfulness meditation session, or a body scan can help you stay grounded in the moment while you allow yourself to experience disappointment without avoiding your feelings or over-reacting to them.

Accept feelings of disappointment and handle the emotion

 

8. Acknowledge your feelings

Disappointment can be enmeshed with other emotions, so it’s best to address one emotion at the time. Ask yourself what you're feeling. Is it rage? Then maybe you need to life off steam with a gym session or practise meditation for anger. Is it sadness? Having a good cry does wonders for releasing emotion. 
 

Dealing with disappointment in yourself

Of course, in addition to being disappointed in other people or in circumstances and things, we can also experience disappointment in ourselves. This can happen when we fail to meet our own standards or goals, which can make us feel self-doubt and low self-esteem.
 

“If a friend or partner has let you down, don’t fall into the avoidance trap. Express your feelings without blaming them, and instead explain that your intention is simply to understand them better.”

When it comes to overcoming disappointment in yourself, first embrace self-compassion. Self-disappointment arises from a discrepancy between our actual self and our ideal self, so letdowns are an opportunity to give your actual self kindness and compassion – this is when you need it the most!

RELATED: How to Practise Self-Compassion: 6 Proven Techniques

This experience also offers an opportunity to reflect and adjust your perceptions. Analyse your reaction to disappointment. Did it make you want to not try ever again? Or did it trigger the perfectionist in you? These may be learned responses that stem from your childhood. If they don’t serve you, it’s time to adjust them.
 

The takeaway: how to deal with disappointment

Although disappointment is challenging, every time it surfaces it offers us a valuable opportunity for introspection and growth. The path to growth through disappointment starts with understanding that the way we react to it is a learned or “inherited” response that we can modify if it has a negative impact on us.

And by trying some of the coping strategies listed above, you can transform disappointment from being a source of distress into a catalyst for resilience and growth. Remember that the way we respond to life's setbacks shapes our journey far more than the setbacks themselves.

To end this article on dealing with disappointment, I want to leave you with a favourite quote from sociologist W.E.B. Dubois: “Strive for that greatness of spirit that measures life not by its disappointments but by its possibilities”. • 
Images: shutterstock/PeopleImages - Yuri A, shutterstock/baranq, shutterstock/Krakenimages.com
 

 

Written by Dee Marques

A social sciences graduate with a keen interest in languages, communication, and personal development strategies. Dee loves exercising, being out in nature, and discovering warm and sunny places where she can escape the winter.