Dealing with Breakup

Dealing with breakup – your guide

No two relationships are the same as one another. Therefore, no single way of dealing with a breakup is the model you should try to follow. Some couples find that dealing with the breakup of their relationship is very easy, and it feels like an almost natural process. For many others, however, dealing with breakup fallout takes years to recover from. Bear in mind, too, that dealing with a breakup need not necessarily mean your most intimate relationship. It could also mean falling out with a child or a parent or even a sibling. In some cases, dealing with a breakup could even mean stopping being friends with someone you have liked for many years. As such, there are many different emotions that people will feel as a result of a relationship breakdown. How you deal with them is, of course, another matter.

Dealing with breakup really means dealing with loss. What was once something that was fulfilling and loving has broken down to such an extent that it can no longer be put back together again. This can hurt. It can hurt very much, especially if you still have loving attachments which are no longer reciprocated. The sense of loss will often feel like grief. In many ways, it is grief but not for a departed person. It is grief at the sense of loss you feel for the relationship breakdown. Like grief, dealing with it will take time and a fair amount of self-compassion.

Even if dealing with a breakup means you feel hurt and anger at your former partner, displaying these emotions unchecked to your children can cause them pain. Children who are split between their parents emotionally during a breakup will often feel torn with their loyalties. Talk to your children about your feelings and why you feel it by all means. However, refrain from bad-mouthing your former partner even if you want to. It is better your children see you as being fair and having their best interests at heart.

Keep communication channels open and be civil. If you cannot, then you may need to use an intermediary to sort out the important things like child custody and splitting your finances. Sometimes a trusted friend can fulfil this role, but you may need a lawyer if trust has completely broken down. Do not see negotiations as a way of 'getting back' at your former partner and try to be fair-minded even if that is tough.

Yes, unfortunately, it can. That's why it is important to not fall into a cycle of negativity and revenge. Remember that dealing with breakup is like dealing with grief. Time is a healer, but you'll need to go through several stages of loss before you can start to be your old self once more.